A few things to ponder on - - Conversation early yesterday morning consisted of me asking H if he had some time during the day we could make fence, easier with two people, and I could coordinate and take time off work. He couldn't remember his schedule and would have to look in his palm pilot first, I said but please let me know by the end of my work day. Also about talking to new land renter. - H called midday (surprise) to let me know his morning schedule all changed and he got a bunch of fence posts in and I would need to pick up supplies from the farm store. I was in the middle of a meeting at work and said I would have to call him back, would he be available. He said yes for awhile, he had to drop off the mortgage payment (first time ever, that's another story) and then on to his appointments. I did call back and he answered, and we just retalked basically what he had already said. - Got home to a bunch of surprises, critters everywhere (again!) and a new pile of gravel. huh? we've needed gravel for over a year, but for 5 years I'd ask H about what size gravel etc, and order it, and it was always wrong, every time, and H would criticize me. I quit doing it, said just make the phone call yourself. Well, I guess he finally did. - I was outside pretty late last night, after 7pm, and H came home and came to help me finish chores. Went inside, heated up leftovers, and we both crashed early. No conversation.
Things continue to bug me, H absolutely will not include me in any of his thoughts or pieces of his day. Maybe the gravel was supposed to be a pleasant surprise, and it was, but he kept it a secret so it spoiled the pleasantness for me. I'm sure he knows it, which is why he continues.
Plusses - +new gravel! yeah! +the mare seemed better last night +H takes an interest in the place and puts gravel down +H slipped out in conversation that he DID make the mortgage payment. Anyone remember that I had said that we had to make changes to our financial arrangements? and things would have to be prorated more according to income so I didn't have the majority of expense with the lower income? I wanted to buy things I need/want too instead of just paying all the bills and begging him to help with what I couldn't cover? This month I left a check for partial mortgage payment along with the bill on the table and told H the rest was up to him. Supposedly it's been paid. +so even though he won't verbalize anything to me, his actions are talking a different language. He shows interest in the place with some repairs and maintenance, yes that is HUGE.
The other thing I am now unsure of came out in TJ's thread in Newcomers. Couples activities are considered pursuit. Wow! we have so many couples things because of all the things we are involved in. Tonight we go to the same meeting, we have friends that invite us both for dinner, we have an awards banquet to attend Saturday night....holidays and my family.....etc...... What do I do about all that? Geez, I just get more confused.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
