Hanging on this Merry Go Round #4

[WCW]

While wishing I was moving in leaps and bounds, I will take the positive baby steps the last few days. Baby steps or crumbs being dropped for me? not real sure, but either one feels more positive than what's been going on for over a month.

+H helped with food prep, stood by me, hasn't done that for a few holidays
+I let time slip away, and we're going to be late if we don't get showered, I figured H wouldn't join me. I took a short shower and finished, then H started his shower, I got back in with him. His first facial expression was trying to keep a strait face with no smile, and then he acted angry and said thought you were done, but his lower body seemed happier to see me than his face. I took advantage of that fact and initiated contact and temptation, and got out of his shower. I got the feeling he was upset with himself that he could not hide his urge.
+for appearance sake H and I still sit next to each other at dinner table with family, nice because it does close the physical space between us
+My Mom got out a digital camera that was old but brand new. I was playing with it and snapping pics, H tried to grab it from me, and I put it in my chest pocket on my shirt. That got a comment from my BIL, and I said I knew H wouldn't go for it there! H got a red face. Later he grabbed it from me and we wrestled around for it. Physical contact!
+we stayed late, I hated to leave people and come home to just the two of us, but I managed to make some small talk, and H asked about something that indicated future again.
+H and I were in the bedroom at the same time, when I got in bed he stayed and talked, left, came back again......here's an old pattern resurfacing.
+Awake early and laying in bed, H came down the hall, I joked if he was up early to go shopping. When he walked in and talked, I asked if he wanted to lay down and made room. He got in and stayed for almost an hour before he got up to go hunting. It felt sooooo good to be physically next to him again.

I have to tell this about our waitress the other night. 16 years young, talked about her car in bad shape, her unemployed boyfriend, her working and him wanting to go out but she pays, won't help her fix her car, won't cook or clean. Everytime she came back to the table she had something bad to say about him. Finally I said, your boyfriend won't find a job, won't help with your car, won't help with house stuff, what's so great about him? She looked shocked......and said 'well, he doesn't beat me.' That is sad, the expectations we lower ourselves too.