You mentioned that your H has said some things that make you think he is questioning his self-worth a bit. Perhaps just a touch of MLC. I'm a bit too young for MLC but I had a period like that leading up to my divorce. I was unhappy, stressed, burned-out and consequently felt like crap about myself. When my W *asked* for hugs and affection and such I couldn't give them to her because I was, admittedly this is self-centered, just so down in the dumps that I didn't feel like I was worthy to give or receive affection.
My W tried...I really think she did...but I was so down that it didn't matter and this was one of her love languages. Perhaps if she had tried longer. But anyway...
Let me make a suggestion...
Rather than asking for hugs and affection, why not just take it! Bounce up to him, give him a big hug and a kiss, and then run off to do whatever you were going to do. Keep doing that. Even if he kinda pulls away, keep doing it. Say nice things about him...just like about the driving thing that you mentioned before. Pump him up; show him that you love him even if he is being a stubborn turd...that he is *worthy* of your love whether he believe it or not.
Now, if your H really is having a crisis and he is anything like me, expect that he *will* pull away, maybe even quite forcefully, at first. Like I said, if he is dealing with issues similar to what I had, he doesn't feel *worthy* of the affection and, at first, it will make him feel bad believe it or not. But, if you are persistent, eventually you will catch him on a good day...a day where he *wants* to open up to the affection...and that little bit of sunshine...
I understand how you might feel like this is a burden you shouldn't have to take on. To appear happy, chipper, and full of affection all of the time and not be allowed to be down or to need. Especially with the stress of your financial/business situation. Your comments about his reaction to your *taking* affection in front of his buddies (the capacino(sp) story)...I think he might be vulnerable to this kind of thing.
What do I know? But with your "best month" coming up and if you are right about him feeling not so great about himself...all I can tell you is that if my XW had done some of the things I mentioned above and been stubborn about it rather than running to someone else, well, I think it might have worked out for us. I needed my a** kicked with a little positive energy. Perhaps that is what your H needs too? Might be worth a try?
