Hanging on this Merry Go Round #4

[WCW]

Hi Anesyr, yes H did initiate contact more when I did not make contact and he knew I would not be home at night. Going dark living in the same house is tough. I think what I need to do most is remember that I have to always mix it up, don't give him anything that he can predict from me. Whether that is a naked hug, showing up on the road to ow's house, leaving on a last minute trip, or being a happy morning person, I can't get caught in ruts. I know that, I forgot it for a while. Next time I am stuck would someone just slap me out of it? that's what friends are for, right?

So far this evening is going okay. Packers on are Monday night football, and doing well! I took some ME time and went for a ride tonight, rode out and checked the harvest progess in the corn fields. It was well after dark, H was not home, and I couldn't stop thoughts of him out looking for somewhere else to be living. I was getting physically ill. I got back to the yard and started chores, and a little later in between barns I saw lights on in the house and H's truck in the driveway. Whew! at least he is home. He eventually came up and started working on something, and after a while I wandered over by him, gave a cheerful hi. He was assembling a new tank heater for a water tub, seems there were some problems last week that he is still taking care of. We got to talking about the electrical runs and cords and breakers, etc. Funny thought ran thru my mind and I could hardly keep the smile off my face, just last week H was at ow's giving electrical advice to her, here we are at home with electrical problems that are still problems. Irony at it's best? Anyway, we had good interaction, H even offered that his cell phone died today and he has a loaner phone while his is being fixed. So that explains his late arrival home, (cell phone store, farm store) plus he brought home and made some yummy soup for us. You know what else I just realized? We walked down the hill to the house side by side. Not touching, but side by side.

Ah yes, the night is still young. I'm sure I can screw something up without hardly trying. Are these baby steps and positive progress? or side steps to distract from the secrets and lies. PMA! where are you going! get back here! PRONTO!!!