Hanging on this Merry Go Round #4

[WCW]

Howdy, I'm back. My trip went well enough, saw some cool things I wouldn't have a chance to see normally, spent way too much time thinking about H and my marriage, and still have no answers. Well, actually that's not true. I have TOO many answers, it just depends on if the sun is up or down, which way the wind is blowing, is the moon full, another words - I don't know. I do know when I hugged H when I got back I could actually feel his one arm hug me back. So let me back up........

Had normal interactive contact with H Wednesday while I was traveling, and he even called me in the evening to ask about some things due to temps here going sub freezing. Most any other contact we had was me trying to carry a conversation and him giving one word answers no matter how I asked a question that would require a whole sentence in reply. Finally, Thursday night, I called him quite excited to share some things I had just seen and tell him about it, but got the same from him, I was just so tired of trying to drag on a conversation with this man and I had better things to be seeing and doing. I finished a sentence, said I'm gonna go back and watch some more events talk to you next time. I barely gave him time to reply, but I heard the surprise in his voice as he said 'oh, ok, bye.' I made no contact again, and a few hours later he called me with an important question he forgot to ask me about. We had a nice conversation, he asked me a few questions about what was going on. I did not contact him again, but the next night I get a text messge from him, we ended up with a short conversation. When I called him he actually had a happy voice. No more contact until he sent me a txt mssge again the next night, and then we had another conversation. He was pretty tired, not a flowing conversation.

H was hunting at some friends this weekend, which was also on my way home from where I parted ways with my trip buddies. I debated on stopping or heading home, and decided that it would be good for MY image to take H a cappacino and stop for a visit. Shortly after I got there the hunters walked in, after a while they settled and I handed H his drink, and then in a few minutes I took it from him, set it down, gave him a hug right there in front of people, and I could feel him hug me back, and gave him his drink back. The guys had lunch, we all yacked for a bit, and the hunters went back out. I stayed and yacked with the wife and helped her with a few things, and now have been home and getting unpacked.

I've been listening to the KLA tapes, anyone else listen to them? Do what works, quit doing what doesn't work, take action, you don't have to wait to feel it before you do it. I've thought much about my marriage, I'm tired but have a little renewed enthusiasm from this trip. Of course that can get squelched pretty easy as soon as H walks in the door tonight, depending on his mood or reaction to anything I may or may not do or may or may not say.

AV8R, I also agree that I usually don't surround myself with people that are shallow and all about themselves without caring for others. I've probably painted that picture of H because that is how he treats me now but it is not who he was. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I thought I was in control of this whole deal, and I still think that. H will react to me and how I treat him. What I still have to figure out is how to treat him to get the reaction I want. I'm working on that yet, and working on making me strong enough to endure.