Hi ZenMan, it's so good to hear from you. Still busy, Mr King of GAL?

He's got me on not just a string, but a string on a yoyo! You are not overstepping any boundaries, I have the same thoughts you expressed, and it's actually good to hear some one else say it . Maybe I'm not nuts. He has been jerking me around emotionally (embarassed to say physically too), I've called him on it, and yes, have thought of it as abuse. We got a junk mail flyer almost two years ago from People Against a Violent Environment. It had a checklist that showed abusive situations, I checked off what applied. H ended up seeing it and was VERY upset that I had done that, that I felt he abused me. Sorry, anesyr if you read this, I know how you feel, sorry. So then he told me I abused him too. titfortat, evensteven.

I asked H why he is still here, he didn't have an answer. At least not one that he could present to me. I think he loves me, but I don't think he WANTS to love me. I think he wants fun and adventure, started looking and got sucked in, and shuck the responsibilities that have accumulated during our marriage. He's never been in such a stable (no pun intended) environment, he's always jumped around house to house and job to job. Now he's been in the same place over 10 years and self employed for almost 7. Those are records for him. Does that make sense? is that possible?

Arrangements are made for my trip, 16 hours to countdown. I did call H to let him know I would be leaving tomorrow, and I also said if he preferred I could arrange to be gone tonight before he gets home but he would have to let me know (my voice barely quivered). I also needed an answer about some supplies that he wanted but we missed the deadline last time and didn't get any, and I needed to hear from him before I left work today to make arrangements. So he called back, said make arrangements for the supplies, talked about the cold weather and it would be nice to go someplace where it is warm. I asked where is that? he said where you are going. I said there was room if he wanted to go too, and instead of just NO he said he had appts he could not miss, etc. I expected a NO, I didn't expect any thing else to come with it. Silence, and though I should have said gotta go and ended the call, I let him struggle, being in my call to him there was two questions for him to answer and he only answered one. He couldn't bring it up, and I didn't either. He finally said he had to get busy again, and said guess I'll see ya later, bye.

I hope this trip for me will be a good opportunity for detachment. I also hope that I don't spend the whole time crying in front of my friends. That would be awful! Next week starts the holiday season, more difficult times ahead. Do you know it costs $9 to have a name removed from a phone account? Step one, checked off.

Thanks again Z, once I'm on my way I think it will be fun. Gotta get over the hurdle first.


Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.