Hi AV8R, thanks for flying by! I have to admit that grubby/sloppy does make my list on occasion.....what else do you wear while taking out the manure? I need gold plated stall doors too, but I think my stalls are different??

Feeling bummed this weekend. No change in H, distant and disconnected. Today he went around the kitchen island and was secretly txtmssging on his cell phone, of course I'm too dumb to know this, so when I looked at him he had this big surprise look on his face and when I walked over he slid his phone in his pocket. I bet it was about my Christmas present, right? I did start some stuff on Saturday morning and he actually helped or took over while I worked on some more things, so that was a goal reached, that we work on outside things that need to be done before snow flies. So much more to do there too, so I can't really say I accomplished the goal, but we did do some stuff together that needed to be done. He wasn't very happy about helping, said it wasn't what he wanted to do. I said it wasn't what I wanted to do either but it still had to be done. While eating breakfast at lunch time, I asked if he'd be coming along to the late day activities, a chili supper, and moonlight ride. He declined them all, but I went, got a few miles down the road and he called about some other things. Turned out none of the group went on a moonlight ride, it rained. But we did play a dice game, and when they wanted to keep playing I said I either had to go home now or make it an all nighter. It was tempting, but my horse was with me, I went home. H was outside with a spotlight looking for the two youngest horses that hadn't come back from pasture yet. I rode out to find them, so I guess I got my ride in anyway, found the youngsters, mission accomplished.

Today we attended a banquet for year end awards for a local horse group. I won our division, H was reserve. He congratulated me, then wondered how I won. So that was my highlight.

We need to start planning our ranch schedule for next year. I'm already getting questions from patrons about our agenda. I asked H about it, he just said "I don't know." Ya know what? I don't know either and I'm tired of planning and draggin him along and holding up the dead weight. The closest I got for a commitment from him on anything was when I asked about which winter fence to put up when the corn is all off the field and he said both.

Battling pms too, I think it best if this coast mode just continues for a while longer. It makes me terribly sad that I'm not able to have a full conversation with my H, or engage in anything real. But again, I do think it's mostly his reacting to me, I just haven't found a healthy PMA for the last few weeks. I have to go buy a smile and paste it on.

Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.