Here's another 2 cents...do you really want to invite H along on this possible 5 day trip. First off, I sure hope you do go and have a BLAST!! But, you've invited him along for stuff in the past, it's not as if you haven't shown him that kind of consideration. And I'm NOT saying to leave without a word out of anger and revenge-and I know you already decided not to (even thought a part of ME wants you too also). But, why invite him, especially if you really don't want him to come anyway? You need this time for yourself. Take it. Don't feel obligated to ask H to come along. If going on a trip like this and NOT inviting H to come along will be doing something different AND good for your PMA...then GO and DON'T invite the man (just let him know that you're going and around when you'll be back, to show you're not trying to retaliate).
BTW- I'm 5'10" and used to throwing my weight around. A Trakehner would fit me just right. I enjoy spirited horses and I've had a few Arabs. But, even though they're strong little buggers, I got tired of feeling like my toes were gonna drag on the ground.
The folks doing the trip are mutual friends, so I feel almost obligated to ask H if he would like to go. My opinion though is that he won't go, hunting starts next weekend and I heard him tell someone about that, it sounded like they were getting together that weekend. And, it's last minute for him and he'd have to do lots of rescheduling with his appointments, not impossible, but another challenge for him. Plus, in the last 13 months he was off for 6 months due to his injury, and then slowly building back up, then off for a week for a trip, then another week for his hunting trip, plus the days he doesn't work I don't know about........ he should just stay home and work his butt to the ground and make some $$$! Not that that's held him back from anything else he wanted though.
Opti - You've got me beat by 1/2". I haven't measured heigth for quite some time though. I still like 'em short and stocky, but that doesn't give you much time to pray on the way down! Wait, you were talking horses and not men weren't you? Now as for men, I like a little different style than horses.
Speaking of styles, here's a question. I'm tall and proportionate, but still carry more weight than 'the charts' recommend. I could lose another chunk and it would be good for me. Last year I lost a lot, and H actually did notice and complimented me. To be blunt, can a guy love a lady that is overweight and has some fat rolls? Is he embarrassed to be with me? Can he be too vain and tired of excess baggage physically and emotionally?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
To be blunt, can a guy love a lady that is overweight and has some fat rolls?
Aww come on WCW! Of course he can! Do NOT start doubting your own appeal. That's a dangerous game to play. You want to work on yourself to feel better for you, then that's great. If it makes him want you even more, then that's a side benefit but it's not about how you look.
Quote: Can he be too vain and tired of excess baggage physically and emotionally?
Of course, it's possible. No one here knows your H like you do though, so no one's going to be able to say if that's what he's thinking. I hope it's not, because that makes him disappointingly shallow.
But I have to repeat what bigAl said. Don't go down that road! Don't start those kinds of doubts rolling.
It sounds like I'm in your same camp. I was really overweight around the time of the bomb. I lost a big chunk due to the post-bomb stress. And I kept the ball rolling. I've stalled, but would really like to lose another 15 to 20 lbs. That makes me just about normal I'd say.
Funny, though. I lost all that weight and I wasn't doing it for my H. At that point I figured he was already gone. But, since D has fallen silently off the table, and my life isn't in quite so much upheavel I started trying to lose using the date I'd see H again as a goal date. Guess how much weight I lost "for my H." None.
bigAL! howdy! nice to see you! I am always in doubt of my appeal especially going thru the last couple of years. Now I'm not an ugly duckling or big as an elephant, but if the package doesn't look good do you look any further? Can't it have something to do with the whole deal? And yes, I do want to feel better about my physical condition. I was SO thankful last winter that I had lost weight during the year prior, it was very physical work while H was laid up and it sure made it easier that I could just move better, even in the layers of winter clothes. But still, seriously, if you look at someone that is not appealing it sure can't help does it? For instance, looking for a date or looking at pictures, what does your mind say when you see Bo Derek (ok, can't think of someone current) or Roseanne Barr?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
WCW - Many guys are very visual, no question about it, and they enjoy having a woman on their arm that other men admire. This doesn't make him shallow or vain (yes, I used to think that about my H too!) but human, and, well, male.
Now - having said that - it's less about the number on the scale right now, than about how you present yourself. Think of Queen Latifah in that movie with Steve Martin - she's a big girl, but I'm sure lots of guys find her sexy. Why? She moves with confidence, and dresses well for her size.
So - while you're working on losing that weight - what can you be doing right now to dress better, look better, carry yourself with more confidence? Confidence is very sexy.
kml - you got me, I don't dress sexy at all. I dress for comfort, but it's how I dressed when I met H too and he was sure attracted to me then! It's something I need to work on, fit sexy in with my chore clothes. There's a task for me! I did lose a lot of my confidence over the years, lost who I was and am. I listened to H talk about himself and another young lady here that helps us alot, and it got to be all about him and her and them doing the training. I was just the chore girl while they took all the glory. I listened to people talk about how great H is, his wisdom, his talent. It's hard to remember I have it too when all I hear is how great he is. But, I started turning that around last year, and I am feeling better about me. It does cause problems when I know I am right and I won't back down from the right decision, even if H doesn't agree but sometimes it just isn't worth the hassle. Part of my lack of confidence comes from being financially dependent on another person, it takes both of us to make this whole thing float. I've never been in that position until the last few years. It has really rocked me. Need to build more confidence, absolutely!
I've noticed this week that H uses I/me more often in conversations when he talks with other folks. For instance last night, the neighbors stopped in to talk about renting land and hay supplies. H told them how much hay HE was feeding and if HE would have enough, never said WE even though I stood right there. Bugs me. But his behavior all week has bugged me, distant and cool. But it's okay right now, I went back to the tanning bad for a 2nd time and stayed in two minutes longer this time, it's just fine not to have anyone touching my back today.
Plenty to do outside and the weather is great this morning! I'm going to drive the skidloader with confidence and look sexy doing it!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Hi WCW, I'm getting caught up on everyone's activites.
First of all, I have to say I like the way bigAl cut through the bull and got right to the point. His response to your doubts was dead on.
I wouldn't propose to speak for all males, but from my view, appearance only gets the conversation started. If appearance is all there is, I'll politely move on.
There is a time and place for comfortable/casual clothes and a time for dress-up/sexy . Note that "grubby/sloppy" didn't make the list!
A person can be carrying a few extra pounds and still look and be healthy, and I think healthy and confident are the things that make a person truely attractive.
I caught your comment about me helping bigAl out with his private jet. My job for the last four years is running an engineering department that designs tooling for our plant. The plant makes parts for the two major corporate jet manufacturers. When bigAl sells his novel I'll be happy to make a recommendation . The folks in Savannah get a cool $40M for one of theirs. (Gold plated bathroom fixtures for heaven sake!) I'm not jet qualified, but I'm trainable - need a pilot bigAl
I think AV8R has a good point here too. And I'd just like to add that dressing well and taking care of yourself really do help your PMA. It's not just vanity (although it is a little of that, let's be honest), but it is also like the DR book says about spending time with your spouse even when you don't want to. The act of being together will (hopefully) eventually make you FEEL like being together. Not the other way around. So, the act of dressing up a little will make you feel sexier and more like dressing up a little. Does that make any sense at all???
Any way...I have to apologize, WCW, I usually don't solicit despearately for people to read and respond to my thread...but, would you? pretty please I could really use a little, specific advice...
and a time for dress-up/sexy 
. Note that "grubby/sloppy" 
didn't make the list!