Hanging on this Merry Go Round #4

[WCW]

Time, it's worse than watching an hour glass, or a sun dial. H seems to be in a withdrawal mode again. Yesterday he seemed to accept my hug, today he made sure he was still in the shower when I left. Bummer. Pretty cool last night too, and I so wanted to ask for a backrub but felt it better to keep quiet. But I did start on the housecleaning goal....baby steps there too.

My PMA is a little low today already, gotta get it up. Yesterday I called H's daughter, I rarely do that (not sure why), but I just had such a strong feeling to talk to granddaughter. The young girl that is coming for riding lessons reminds me of GD and when she came last year to visit and was riding with me. So I called and talked a little bit, and she told me about when they visited with Dad while he was on his trip a few weeks ago. It hit me hard again, H never mentioned that they made the 4 hour drive to see him while he was that close. I'm glad they did, but couldn't he have just told me about their visit and filled me in a little bit? I guess not for whatever his reasons are for it. Our granddaughter is a little extra special, not just because she is sweet and the first grandchild, but she was born with a disease that required many operations and an organ transplant, and now she is in school and just like any normal young girl with the exception of twice a day medication. Anyway, granddaughter called me back last night, H answered, and she asked to talk to me. He handed me the phone, but never walked away, stood right next to me the whole conversation. So there's an idea for closeness, have GD call me everyday! I get a double bonus, talk to her and have H close to me!

Today the new dog arrives. Now, I really like our dogs, and talk about unconditional love, that's where I get mine from! But I don't think we need a 4th dog, but H said he wanted this one from his XSIL and her husband. So they drive across half the country and called last night and will be here today. H didn't tell me anymore, so I hope when they set up an arrival time today someone lets me know too.

Speaking of unconditional love, how do you give it without letting someone take advantage of you? Our wedding song spoke of unconditional love. Love without expectations? Love like you have to use it up or it will spoil but the pot is never empty?

I have a chance to take a 5 day pretty cheap trip with a few friends next week. I would like to go, just not sure how I feel leaving H at home to roam, not that he doesn't have free run even when I am home. And if he would think it is retaliation for his last trip, and that would give him more fuel to feed the fire. Fanning the embers to a flame is great, but fuel for a big blow is not. It sure would be a great GAL, and a 180. Heck, maybe he'd even want to come along?

All that talk about grandkid stuff, I'm not that old! Still got a few years to go before the big five0. My mind thinks I'm young.....