Hanging on this Merry Go Round #4

[WCW]

I'm going to be optimistic and start another new thread here in Piecing, and hope I still fit here as each day dawns.
What am I Hanging on too?
Hanging on the Best Parts
Hanging on the Best Parts 2

Currently H and I are pretty distant - physically and emotionally, even more so the last few weeks after I felt we had made some strides on a positive direction. Then H went on a surprise trip that didn't include me, and I was very hurt, and was stupid enough to let my emotions/feelings/thoughts all flop around on the ground and get stomped on before he left and after he got back.

So it's been pretty chilly around the place and I'm just not ready yet to feel anything again and muster up more try.

Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Can it be that he is feeling me out since our conversation last week? He is waiting for me to warm up?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IMHO, yes, that's exactly it. Your H does this all the time. He comes nosing around like an old dog looking for a handout every time he's afraid he went too far with you.

I'm sure I'll get my try back, but I'm still confused and numb by the last few weeks events, or lack of events. So if I'm hanging on crumbs that H tosses my way every once in a while, and he's looking for a handout when he goes too far, is it no wonder we are both starving? How do I change this vicious cycle?

I read all over the boards about people who talk with their spouses, who have real conversations and can be physical and get hugs and kisses, who seem to make progress. I don't feel like I make any progress. And the little that I do slips away so fast, and then it takes weeks or months to see anything positive again. I want to have a BIG R talk and hear what is preventing H from trying to do anything with our marriage. But he won't talk, so don't be alarmed. It won't happen.

Tomorrow we leave on an extended weekend trip, we have conferences in the same state that our friends moved to so we are delivering their horses to them. H and I will have 15+ hours in the truck to ourselves, two full days and nights side by side, and another 15+ hour drive back home. How can I best take advantage of this time together? We can talk, but H has a hard time hearing conversation while driving because of the road noise. I also think he will be prepared for some type of talk as well as a try at physical contact or intimacy from me with him. He will be braced, just like he was when he came back from his trip. I know THAT homecoming didn't go well!

Yesterday H called me 3 times during the day about various things, I was thrilled! Last night I had to leave for a meeting before H got home. I left a note on the table for him about some things that had ocurred at home and that I went to the meeting. When I walked in he didn't say anything, I could feel tension when I opened the door. He finally asked how my meeting went, and then said he didn't even want to go to these conference meetings this weekend. I asked why, he just said he didn't feel like it. Now this is the man that tried hard to get elected to this position, now he doesn't want to fulfill his obligations. I wanted to ask if I stayed home if he would feel better about going, but I didn't want to give him the opportunity and I didn't think I'd like his answer. This morning was uneventful, nothing but a good morning from H, and I left for work.

Here I am folks, looking for ideas to make the next 4 days as pleasant as possible and not screw things up more than they already are. I know the first thing is to put a smile back on my own face, it has been missing lately. How's this?