Quote: then the OM was at a minimum a distraction that may have prevented my X from reconnecting.
Bad news, but there are a few upsides. It should make this more easy for you to detach. I would relook at what was written above about the story how the wife Robin came back to her X after being with OM.
It is no doubt that the presence of OM helped ensure that no real progress would be made. But this is still about you. Continue with positive changes, get a life, maybe date a little if you are ready. At the very least, finding that other women can take an interest in you is a boost for your PMA. Be as positive and happy as possible.
In my sitch, my X had someone else as well. While it was only emotional the whole time it also prevented her from considering even trying with me. Now the relationship is over and she's wondering what she was thinking. She realizes that she made no effort to try because of this other attachment. And now it's not so easy to just come back. I've grown comfortable without her and the thinking part of me demands to see real changes before leaping back in. For the first time in a year I think she's starting to get her mind around it. Will we be back together? I haven't closed the door on that, but we'll just have to see how it goes with her.
We all have phases to go through. She has hers with OM. Who knows what will come of it. But you really need to focus on what you need to do for yourself and just be patient with this healing process. You'll get there. And at some point you'll close the chapter that included your XW. Then you can either write a new chapter with someone else or your XW will see the man you are and wish to be included in your life. It would be preferable to be in the position to make a decision about your future when you are whole and healthy. You need to heal from this regardless.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
