Have you ever told him that his refusing to respond when you want to talk about something that important to you is RUDE? If not, do it...but do it camly.
BELIEVE me I understand your frustration, it's not fun. But you've got to call him out and make him see that there's a consequence for his inaction. He came back under the understanding that you BOTH would be working on your problems right? So tell him if he's not willing to do that then don't let the door hit him on his way out. I know you love him, but you've got to maintain your boundary.
You're going to have to do something to get him to take you seriously. If you let him come back, and don't enforce the conditions of his return....then you are just as much at fault. I know that sounds harsh, but it's true.
At the minimum this man has got to start talking to you. Something I did with my H, when he used to refuse to respond is this....I'd tell him that I was going to take his response to mean "he didn't want to work on things", I was going to take it to mean something negative. Afterall, he's not telling me anything different.
Now, he didn't like this (too damned bad). But I explained, I'm not going to assume you do WANT to work on things when you say nothing, you do NOTHING, when your choice of action is....inaction. I told him he had a choice...he could do SOMETHING, he could talk to me and those would be positive signs, but by doing neither naturally I'm not going to assume something positive from that....it's his choice.
Cally, make your H take responsibility...remember he agreed upon certain conditions (if I understood you correctly) in order to return, he's not fulfilling those conditions. Maintain a firm boundary/consequence....but definitely, keep those conversations out of the bedroom. That's not always easy, BTDT myself.
Also, if it takes you having to make a Dr. appt for him...do it. Yes, he should be adult enough to do that for himself, I agree with you on that....but making a Dr. appt. for him is a small effort for you and if he truly is depressed...might provide you with a payoff that's well worth it. Don't let pride get in your way on that one...k?
