What timing...I was posting an update as you were typing your post.
Yes, I do believe that this was a problem in my H's past R's...although when asked he never directly replied yes or no...just "I don't know, maybe.".
When I first began trying to address our problems (and get him to understand we had problems) he used to give me all sorts of reasons he couldn't/wouldn't do things...all having to do with these controlling women. I guess it's been around a year or so that I began to realize, this must have been a problem in those R's as well. I mean, lets face it...if someone has repeated failed R's...it' can't be all the other persons' fault all of the time right, in fact the way I see it in ANY failed R it's never completely one persons' fault, both people contribute in their own ways. I did need to step back and take a bit of a reality check. I had to stop taking everything he told me at face-value because things just simply didn't add up. I had to stop accepting excuses and start looking at things more realisitically...this was difficult for me because it meant I might not find a solution. If I didn't have those excuses of his to hang on to, excuses that I might be able to find possible solutions to....then what?
I did some thinking about that and came to the conclusion the only thing I can do now is communicate clearly with him....bluntly tell him what I need him to do. Stop accepting "excuses" and call bu!![censored] when I hear it....and that's what I've started doing, in person and in our C sessions. What I'm hoping I'll get from this is either #1 he'll eventually step up and do at least some of what I need on a more regular basis, or #2 I'll see it's just not in him to give me what I need in a R, and then I can make my choices from there.
Naturally I'm hoping for #1 to happen. I do love the man even though I'm numb towards our situation right now....my numbness primarily comes from being simply burned out from working on this situation. This numbness isn't something I'm hiding from him either. In the past I would have worked really hard to hide this from him, to protect his feelings....now, I feel he needs to see the consequences of his inaction.
