GGB said: ------------------------------------------------------ Thing is, I've sunk back into my give-a-damn is busted, and I don't even feel like putting ANY effort into fixing it. The longer MrsGGB does nothing, the further I sink into it. I know that I have to snap out of it, that it is destructive to the R, but I once again am not finding any strength to push it aside ONCE AGAIN.
Nopkins (Dad), since you're back, I'd love to hear your take on this don'tgivashititis, or what GEL is calling my-give-a-damn-is-busted. How does one find the motivation to pull out of this hole? I thought I got out of it a couple of times over the past two months, only to fall right back to the bottom. ------------------------------------------------------
In every relationship, at any given point in time, one partner will care more for the other partner than the other partner does for them. In well functioning relationships, that care level will switch back and forth. In really well functioning relationships, that switching is almost imperceptible. In more broken relationships, there can be long lapses and very one-sided caring.
We have all seen it here, the pushme/pullyou syndrome.
As long as you are not building resentment by getting back into the fray with your (at least partly functional) spouse, then you 'just do it' and set an example of the very thing you are expecting of them toward the meeting of your needs.
Having said that, I see no problem with the occasional 'breather'. Just beware of the resentment monster if your spouse doesn't play pushme/pullyou as quickly as you would like.
Not to harp on the obvious, but don't forget that any appearance of 'needy' is a big no-no and a further turn off to the already non-participating spouse.
It is a choice just like any other choice you make. The only gotcha is that you owe it to your spouse to tell them when the choice is becoming overly difficult or impossible to make. Give your spouse a chance to work with you.
Motivation is nothing more than a decision.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
