Yes, I do believe he's being lazy and yes, he is definitely the aovider in our R. These are things I've known for quite some time LOL.
The gift I suggested....isn't so much pursuing in my POV, it's a sentimental gift, which is something he gets into. True, it will have ideas/suggestions included....but it's kind of difficult to describe how this going to be done. It is a visual reminder of things, which is something I haven't tried before. Will it work? Oh, probably not....but who knows for sure?
Personally, I think he does know what I need in this R...he's no dummy. However, for anyone breaking out of a cycle of behavior isn't easy, I had to break my own cycle of behavior in this R as well. My H is being asked to do things in this R that for him are way out of his comfort zone.
Does he have control issues, yes I believe he does have some...although I don't believe he admits to all of them. I do believe there is a passive-aggressive side to him that resists doing what I ask, our C believes the same thing. You can see that he resists....he will verbally tell you exactly what I need out of this R, yet he won't do it.
Here's an example....a month or two ago we were in our C's office. Once again I was asking him to tell me how he feels, talk to me about "us", talk to me about sex...whatever. His response yet again was "I've never talked about that stuff!". Now that simple phrase was said so emphatically (and it dawned on me at that time) that I told him..."when you say that, it sounds exactly like this....I've never talked about taht stuff, never have...never will!" Our C agreed that's exactly how it sounded...even though, it's not what he literally said.
There is definitely a part of him that he keeps a very tight rein on. Why? Probably because if he tells me some of these things that makes him vulnerable...I'm sure he doesn't want to be vulnerable, if he's vulnerable then I can hurt him. So instead he holds everything close and lets nothing out...unless it's something small and safe.
My H has often told me..."I'm just not a very emotional person", bullcrap!!! We sat on the couch Sunday evening watching "Extreme Home Makeovers" and he was crying his eyes out over the family on the show. Now, I know that's not the same thing as showing emotion towards me and making himself vulnerable to me....but he shows more emotion towards that show....than I've ever seen him show to me.
