Unfortunately my H held true to form this weekend. As you might recall our therapist had given my H the assignment to "court me" this weekend. I guess my H's version of courting is as follows:
Napping for 4-hrs each day, or sooozing & watching Hunting/Nascar/Car shows (while I'm busy doing laundry & housework)....after being up for only a couple of hours....so that the day is pretty much shot (after telling me that we could "make a day of it"), by the time he's ready to go out and do something it's 5-5:30pm. Saturday evening...he suggested we go shopping and out to dinner so he took me shopping in a new mall by our house (have I mentioned before there's nothing I need that can be bought?)...I didn't buy anything. Then he took me to eat at a restaurant that was so loud, we couldn't have held a conversation if we'd wanted to. It would have been a fine way to spend the day if we were doing family Christmas shopping....or even spending the day out with our 2S, but it definitely wasn't romantic nor did it foster any feelings of connection for me. I did try too. It's not like I was shooting down what he was trying to do, it was fun doing a bit of shopping, but it was far from what I needed. Heck! I'd have been simply thrilled if he'd have packed us a picinic lunch in our saddle bags and taken the horses out for a ride, it was a gorgeous weekend! But once again, it seemed to me that he was trying to "buy" my affections back.
We got home fairly early at which point my H started complaining about how full he was from dinner and that he had a headache coming on...can you say, no action happening that night? Sunday really wasn't much different at all....he wanted to snuggle a bit, but if he wanted to do anything more he certainly didn't send out the signals, which to be honest, was fine with me...I wasn't into it anyway.
I'm beginning to wonder if this man is ever truly going to "get it" or understand me as the person I am. I've told him who I am and how I work so many times and exactly what he could do in order to make me feel the way I need....yet he still insists on doing the same friggin thing over and over. I've tried so very hard to alter my way of doing things as well to speak his LL as best I can; when I do he's certainly a happy camper...but I'm still left right where I was as far as our R goes. When he's content, he makes no efforts...because he assumes I must be happy too...regardless of what I say.
So...I'm staying true to myself. I'm not going to give him a false sense of security. If I'm not happy, I'm not going to put on a false happy face for his benefit. That doesn't mean I'm going to walk around a sour-puss either, that's not me either. But I'm doing the best to be true to myself, do things for me and my S, and see if somehow someday my H will snap out of it.
I'm still feeling pretty much the same as I had been after this weekend.
Can any of you men out there explain to me why he's continually trying to fix our problems by buying me things...when I keep telling him I don't want that? If I were a greedy or materialistic woman...I could be making out like a bandit right now!
On the plus side, he is at least back on the work shift as I am....so perhaps that will help a bit, especially since now the sun goes down so much ealier.
