Seems my intuition regarding not answering our MC's question yesterday about whether or not I can live with the situation if this is all my H can do....was spot on in thinking I was in a catch-22, because I am....or at least I was.
My H called me last night from work...and I spoke briefly with him about our session earlier in the day. He asked me if I remembered what I had said before when our MC had asked me that question. I wasn't sure which time he was actually referring to by the way he asked it so he reminded me of an earlier time and told me what his understanding was of what I had said. He said..."As I understood it you said that if this is all I can do that you would just have to try to learn to live with it."
Ok, whoa! Rein in the horses...I'm getting off this wild ride right now! When he said that to me this light-bulb went off in my brain, that made me think he's been giving himself an excuse not to truly do what I need of him. No matter what I've said to him in the past, he's still focusing on a phrase (which btw he didn't quote completely) that would give him a convenient out to not truly do the work he doesn't want to do.
So, being true to my nature....exasperated as I am I explained to him. "Yes, I said I would try to learn to live with it....I didn't promise I could live with it. I have been trying to live with it." I also took the chance to tell him that I honestly don't believe he can't do what it is that I need of him. He got a bit defensive on me and kind of quiet, I'm sure because of what I had just said to him....so I told him. I don't believe this is the best you can do because when you want to do it, and you put an effort into it, you do it....but then you cease putting in any effort when I appear to be happy again. So, now....I don't buy that you simply don't have it in you, therefore you no longer get to rest on "what if this is the best I can do?"
You might have thought that we'd have ended up in an argument, but we didn't. I simply held true to my nature and calmly said what was on my mind. However in a way....I did end up answering our MC's question in private to him....and I think perhaps I may have avoided the catch-22 situation while I was at it...or at least perhaps diffused it.
