Quote: I have considered SSM as a book for both of us, b/c after reading the synopsis it did seem to describe our R very well. I mentioned it to my wife awhile back, and she said that she had seen the book on amazon and had read some negative reviews claiming it really put down the LD folks. I didn't see that AT ALL. Maybe I'll bring it up again, perhaps in counseling.
I couldn't resist - I went and read all 28 reviews. I could only locate one that might meet your wife's description. It was a review who hadn't even read the book but took issue with the title.
A reviewer wrote: "WRONGLY TITLED: RIGHTLY WRITTEN, January 15, 2005 Reviewer: As life has it "Wondering WHY" (TX, USA) - See all my reviews I have not read the entire book--only bits and pieces while at different book-stores. And I know why I am hesitating in purchasing it just yet: a. The marriage of the friends for whom I want to buy the book is at a very early stage, and maybe they dont need this book just yet. b. But the bigger reason is the title of the book. Using the word 'starved' has made it appear as a one-sided book---a book only for those whose libido is high----whereas typically the low-libido person needs to read this book also, since s/he needs to u.stand how her/his insensitivity to the sexual needs of her/his partner, can be ruining an otherwise happy marriage. The 'starved' seems to spell only the 'deprived' partner's state, whereas in as much as it takes 2 to tango (and make love), both people need to be addressed. Infact, inside the covers, the book does precisely that----its a very well written book, with equal sections for both the people. Thus it should be definitely a very useful book for both partners. Maybe a title like: 'SEX-DEVOID MARRIAGE' sounds more neutral in its approach. "
End review:
There were a couple of HD wives a bit miffed that they weren't addressed (HP was that you? )
I didn't see any review that could be identified as putting down the LD spouse.
We originally saw Michelle on some tv interview/talk show. I think NOP ordered the book that night. We had already tried (with spectacular failures) to address this issue in our marriage on and off for about 2 years. While it was not a panacea, SSM helped move us into a deeper phase of addressing our drive issues. Reading NOP's posts here moved us even further. And it was NOP's acceptance that I had needs/issues that had not been met in our marriage that pushed us into the place we're in today.
Do any of you ever read to each other short snippets of whatever you might be reading regarding sexual issues?
When NOP and I were battling through this, we would still share something we had read or heard on the topic (at times, it was still very much a loaded subject). In fact, I think I was in the process of sharing something with NOP about sexual drive issues I had read about when I tossed my plate of food in the kitchen. I was sharing it as my way of saying that I was listening and trying to incorporate it, when he responded (I know with the best of intentions) with some comment that was meant to drive it home.
What's wrong with a "Listen to this, honey, it perfectly describes what I feel at times." Or even a "I just read this and wondered if it describes how you feel..."
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