I know there are couples out there that are quite happy to have no strong physical connection - ie they are both no-desire individuals and are happy in connecting in a non physical sense. I believe that the answer to your questions lies in the matter of the degree of the disconnect in the matter of desire.
I believe if there is a large difference in drive, partiuclarly if one partner has a moderate to high sex drive and the other partner has extremely low or no sex drive, that the chances of a happy relationship diminish signficantly.
My observation as the HD husband with an ND spouse and in discussing with others is that neither spouse really wants to "negotatiate" an acceptable level of sexual activity. The ND spouse often feels totally put out that they are "pressured to "perform" something they really do not want to do. The LD spouse will often feel that if the HD spouse truly cared about them, they would not ask for sex and that they would manage their own needs without having to involve them. Any advances are just seen as another "horny" moment of the HD spouse - "that's all they want from me" attitude is sure to set in.
On the other hand, the HD spouse becomes desparate for some kind of physical connection if their spouse is ND. What otherwise may be a caring relationship in a wholestic sense becomes bitter. The HD spouse feels constantly denied and can not really accept that his/her spouse doesn't have any interest. The more the HD spouse feels they give to the relationship, the more they become frustrated because the sex drive discrepency can not be negotiated away.
In addition to the frequency issue, is the issue that the HD spouse is usually desparate to have a two way physical relationship. Knowing that each time there is a physical connection is 0nly because the LD spouse has negotiated the event or feels guilty does not help the situation. Sex becomes a matter of duty for the one party (the LD side) and guilt for the other party (the HD side). No one is truly happy and the relationship becomes at best a negotiated relationship. This is a far cry from the relationship that most people expect when they are citing their wedding vows.
If sex drives are close, I believe the differences can be worked on and could result in a happy and fullfilling reltionship.
Anyway, just thoughts from someone who clearly is bad at negotiating a relationship.
