From my point of view - (acknowledging that it was/is biased), although NOP and I always had a sexual desire discrepancy, initially the relationship was strong enough that our frequency and emotional contact remained good. As he began investing more time and emphasis in career and I started investing in motherhood, that early relational connection began to weaken, although it took years for it to solidify into the disconnected mess it became.
He spent an ever-growing amount of time and energy on work, and when he was off, he needed to do (or not do) things that would help replenish him for the upcoming week of high demands job-wise. Weekends began to carry the strain, with me being rabid to get out of the house and do something with him geared to my interests, and him wanting to charge up his batteries which my activities didn't do for him. He had activities that he enjoyed doing that did recharge him, but they weren't what I was longing for.
At some point, I realized that I had a choice to either keep hammering him about the issue or to try to do something else. I chose the "do something else" and loosely joined up with a group of other stay at home moms and tried to fit in the things I enjoyed during the day while NOP was at work. Occasionally there were things I participated in on weekends, where more times than not, I was the "widow" in the group. It caused further erosion in our relationship, additional distance and emotional withdrawal.
And my resentment grew to the point where the relationship was not strong enough to support the differences in drives. I know that many of you have suffered the hurt of sexual rejection and I don't want to superimpose my background over everyone's sitch. (And after reading posts from everyone here, many of you keep seeing patterns, but I am always impressed by the differences.)
As a lower drive spouse, when desire seems to be primarily expressed sexually, it isn't flattering. It feels demeaning and objectifying - that it has nothing to do with you as a person and everything to do with someone else's urges that exist outside of *you*.
