Nice, Dave, nice. Its good to hear that things are going well with you. I have gone down very similar pathways myself. I find that the work one has to do in the marriage (sex-related or otherwise) is continuous. Insecurities that I might have had 18 months ago STILL sometimes surface at inopportune times, and I have to apply self-soothing techniques. I am hearing the same thing from you, and that is comforting. I think this will get easier with time – we have ingrained ways of thinking and it takes time to work through those issues and bury those insecurities.
I agree that the SSM situation is a great way to fix other problems in the marriage. In trying to ‘fix’ the SSM, I learnt tools and methods that have helped me in every other aspect of my marriage and life. ‘Let your marriage work on you’…a wise man once said!
My H recently asked me what I wanted for my upcoming 35th birthday. I told him I would like to go see U2 in concert. He expressed some disgruntlement – it was a weeknight, he is not a big fan of concerts, what about the kids etc. I worked through it in my head and told him that it was a request, it is what I would really want for MY gift, and would be disappointed if we couldn’t do it, but there was nothing else attached to the outcome. I meant it too. He amazed me with how quickly he entered that crucible and emerged from it announcing that I was a difficult girl, but I was HIS difficult girl, so if I made babysitting arrangements, he would buy us tickets. I thanked him, he hugged me. So…we have tickets (that he went to a lot of trouble to find and paid some insane amount of money for!) and are both looking forward to the concert.
I didn’t make the mistake of assuming that he would be as enthusiastic about it as me. I didn’t pout and attack after his initial ‘rejection.’ He didn’t withhold and get passive aggressive. Wait, am I talking about sex after all?
