This one is a keeper Dave, lots of wisdom here. Funny thing is much of it is along the lines of what WWME tried to teach us, and it also kind of wraps up the best of NOP and Corri's insights too. Great post, and it gives me some encouragement.
Dave, LOTS of good stuff here. I've had to read it a few times to absorb it all, kwim?
Lemme ask you a couple questions..things that I didn't understand. Firstly, what did you mean by becoming more like you and less like her? In what ways were you like her?
Secondly, the pursuit thing. As you may remember this is a biggie for me. I want my H to pursue me because, as a woman, this feels right and natural. It feels bizarre to intentionally set it up your way--where I'm 100% responsible for the sex "I get". Truthfully I don't want to get anything from him; I want it to be a mutual thing.
At one time, my intense desire for this was due to me needing to prove to myself that I was desirable..attractive..even that I had some kind of power over him. I no longer feel this way. I know I am an attractive lady, furthermore I know that H feels this way, too.
And still the desire for pursuit is very strong in me.
It is my suspicion that your wife is responding to your newfound strength and clarity as it pertains to sex than anything else. Women find strength and confidence in men an irresistable combo. Bravo to you for digging deep inside and finding that within.
Last night we were talking about what is "sexy" and my H said that he would find it sexy if I walked up to him while he's in bed and hiked one leg up onto the bed (I'm naked of course) and seduced him, in that pose. I gulped and realized that I could have done this a couple years ago and now would be terrified. I also came to the lightning fast conclusion that this is MY doing. My problem and the solution lies within me. I let my confidence ooze right outta me and, in the process, surely became even less attractive to him.
Anyway, thanks for the post. Lots of food for thought there.
Quote: Secondly, the pursuit thing. As you may remember this is a biggie for me. I want my H to pursue me because, as a woman, this feels right and natural. It feels bizarre to intentionally set it up your way--where I'm 100% responsible for the sex "I get".
I agree with this-- the shoe does not fit quite so comfortably on the other foot. For a guy to figure out that he's going to need to be responsible virtually all the time for initiating sex seems more in the "natural order of things" (for want of a better expression) than if the W figures out that SHE is going to have to initiate all the time. And when I say that she is going to initiate, I mean that she is going to have to do something a lot more aggressive than hint that she's interested or available or behave seductively. In my case (back when I still did this sort of thing) I sometimes had to physically drag him to the bedroom. I don't do that anymore and as a result have not had sex in almost a year.
Well that was a phenomenal post. I love the parts about focusing on the good, and since he is a man, being responsible for the sex he gets, since he has a lower -then him -drive spouse.
Damn the confidance just drips from his post. He does what he does because he wants too. Out of self respect. Not out of manipulation. No victicm mentality any where to be found. He practically screams I dont care what happens.
And then he is freaking funny on top of it.
I am uncontrollably attracted to him.
I started trying to place blame on my W and she said "what would you rather do...bitch and feel bad or focus on the fact that you have a naked woman straddling you right now".
Well that was a phenomenal post. I love the parts about focusing on the good, and since he is a man, being responsible for the sex he gets, since he has a lower -then him -drive spouse.
Damn the confidance just drips from his post. He does what he does because he wants too. Out of self respect. Not out of manipulation. No victicm mentality any where to be found. He practically screams I dont care what happens.
And then he is freaking funny on top of it.
I am uncontrollably attracted to him.
I started trying to place blame on my W and she said "what would you rather do...bitch and feel bad or focus on the fact that you have a naked woman straddling you right now".
