hopefloats - Thanks for dropping by. Not too sure if we will be spending New Year's with him. He did texted "Planning to invite all of you over" but knowing Mr.Yoyo of the Universe...that may not materialise. Yes - this back and forth, back and forth is really really exhausting...Really drains all the sap from my body and mind...Gotta go...talk to you later..
Friday Nite...Went out drinking with my coworkers. Had fun chatting...Received a few texts from H...that really didn't concern me. Wanted to text back "So??? Why do I care?" but didn'nt. Instead..sent him something more pleasant.
Saturday... H sent me a text in the morning..to tell me of his plans..that he would be in C-M for the day and flying off to Europe in the night. I texted back to acknowledge. Made some comments about C-M's weather blah blah blah. Later, H texted again to tell me that he's had second thoughts about the big house because his friend's daughter got sick..Third case blah blah blah... It's one of those deja-vu excuses. Frankly, really am tired.. texted back "Up to you where u want to stay. Don't think you need such a big house. Anyway, just to let you know that I've enrolled S5 in S-classes 3x a week next year at $$ per semester". Later, I sent him another two texts about $$ for the mortgage (he needs to do an online transfer and really very very close to the deadline) and about the boys. No reply but the texts were delivered. I sent another two to ask him to acknowledge ..IAgain, texts were delivered but no reply. have to say that I was starting to worry that something might have happened to him. I called him on his mobile. Phone rang and rang but no answer. H is ONE person who never has his phone out of his sight. Called numerous times...NO answer. I have to say that when I finally managed to get through, I was rather relieved and asked "why you didn't reply to my texts? Why didn't you answer" and H was sooooo defensive and actually got angry at me and shouted at me. I tell you, I am really really sad.. and send him texts...can't remember what I typed but something to the line of "I am worried that something had happened to you, and I get screamed at. Everything I do will be wrong. In your eyes, I am always wrong and imperfect. Please just go to her. I can't take it anymore. The fact that you have been sooo defensive and upset shows that you have something to hide. She is probably with you. I am really really sooo tired. I don't want to hang on to a marriage that is not meant to be. There is no respect, no love, no commitment whatsoever from you. I don't even know why you bother to string me along. Just go and be with her. I wish you all the successes and happiness in the world with all my heart. I am sure you wish for the same for me. If you have any compassion left for me, just stop playing games with me. H texts back with a liner "I just don't like it when you kept asking and asking when I've told you that the phone is in the bag and that I couldn't hear". I texted back with almost the same stuff as before and told him that I want to LET GO...and I am emotionally and physically and mentally all drained out.. and blah blah blah. H texted back " You are very noisy. Talk to you tmrw. Things will be fine with us. Trust me". I didn't text this back immediately. How could I trust this idiot?? TIme and time again, he has monkeyed with me. I am sooooo sick and tired. Here I am pouring out my heart and he says that I am noisy.. and brushes off my feelings. WTF????
Anyway, early this morning...I sent him another long long text..which he hasn't received yet (He's in midair ...flying to Europe again) So, he hasn't replied.. Started off with "I love you and have allowed you to monkey with me for the last 9 months. But I cannot allow the boys' to be dragged into this. I really don't want the boys schooling to be affected. The boys are no longer babies, and have to have adhere to a consistent schooling system. I cannot allow their education to be f**ked up by your consistent mind-changes. What I am saying is that with a little therapy, support and love over here, they will be able to get over our marriage breakup healthily. Besides, may not have a job in Country X. So, giving up my job, my family, my friends to move over to Country X to a life with a man who is not committed to me is rather difficult. Everyday, I would be wondering "is he going to run to her today?" or "I better not piss him off today".. Life will be a very very challenging one if we go the reconciliation route. It's a question that you need to ask yourself...Can you commit to the marriage? YES or NO? No such thing as TRY business. I just cannot allow the boys' life to be in turmoil as well.
I know that I am in a way PUSHING and PRESSURING him. But I really am at the end of the road. Although I really want my marriage back, want my H back...I cannot do it in false pretenses. I need to tell him what is required for me to move to COuntry X. I cannot give UP everything I have here and move to Country X if H is not SURE himself that the M is really what he wants. I will sacrifice all this over here - friends, family, job etc to move to Country X if H is very very sure that he will COMMIT to our M. ...but not if he is only TRYING. Really really cannot move over there, uproot boys, change schooling system and all, and then H turns around and say "I can't do it. I really want ow. At least I've tried to make the marriage work". I can take the hurt and H's monkeying around and all. But my boys don't deserve to be monkeyed around too. I guessed I need to TELL H what I expect from him before we UPROOT the whole family to a foreign country...One where I will have no friends, no family, no job.....NO SUPPORT whatsoever... A real real big sacrifice....and I need to be given assurance that the sacrifice will be worth it. Can't do it on the whims of a man whose brain has been abducted by some unidentified aliens...
Hey Yoyo, now I am probably not the person to advise you as I feel like I have had enough also, but I think there comes a time when enough is enough. Your last text sounded very clear and well thought out. 9 months is a long time, and if you are fed up with Mr Yoyo yanking your chain, then yes, it is good that you let him know.
H texted back " You are very noisy. Talk to you tmrw. Things will be fine with us. Trust me".
Yoyo when I read this I saw red . What a condescending thing for him to say. Grrrr
Honey take care of yourself and your boys. You are one strong chickadee!
. What a condescending thing for him to say. Grrrr