Yoyo there is a key question in the above post. 'WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO WITH THIS MARRIAGE"
I think you need to do that, now this is my opinion and others may think I am crazy but in order to work that out I believe you need limited contact with H by this I mean do not instigate contact. If he contacts you be pleasant but firm in what you have already said so basically be nice but if he hasn't told OW then just continue on your own path.
If he says he has told OW then maybe ask him what he thinks he wants to do now.
This way you are not being pushy but you are standing your ground and hopefully working out what you really want.
I am so sorry you a feeling really bad and we can all offer advice but all sitch's are different and you are the only one who truly knows what will work for you.
