Yo - I'm going to ask you to take a step back and ask yourself, exactly what do you want? Because you seem to be REacting a lot, but I'm not sure you understand where it is you want to go.
Do you still hope for H to give up OW and come back to the marriage? If so, then I would not cut off the sex. As long as he is thinking about and enjoying phone sex with you, he is getting closer to you and farther from her (men have sex to get close, women want to be close before they have sex).
Are you trying to push H into a decision by telling him you are done? Normally I wouldn't object to this in your sitch, but you DID tell him he had until January, so now this seems really pushy on your part because you aren't living up to your word. Better to just let him get jealous and think you might be going out and having fun and worry that you might meet another guy, than to push up your ultimatum.
Are you frightened of being disappointed so you're pushing him away first to try to lessen the pain by controlling the sitch? Common reaction, but kind of biting off your nose to spite your face. You're not SURE you'll win him, so you'll end the uncertainty by making sure you lose him???
Or are you just deciding that you don't want him anymore and aren't up to the tough work of reconciliation? That would be a reasonable conclusion, but I don't get the sense that's where you are coming from.
In order to get somewhere, you need to figure out where you want to go. Where DO you want to go, Yo?
