Yoyo yes it is hard and you know why b/c you still love him and you want him and your marriage back.
Now when you were detaching look at how H hounded you but the moment he realised he could still get you to have phone sex with him he knew he still had you where he wanted you. From that I bet he also knows that he could come and sleep with you for real if he wanted to.
This is easier to say than do but I would go back to treating H as though it was over don't give in to him and maybe say something like "Look H this has gone on too long I need to move forward and stop waiting for you. You have had plenty of time to tell OW and you haven't so I don't believe you ever will. If you ever do let me know and I may reconsider then, but I may decide I prefer my new life too so that is your chance to take. I am now looking after myself and the boys and I wish you well.
Or at least you get the idea that I am trying to get across, I thought you were doing quite well and I believe you still can. You have just had a minor setback that's all. It's no big deal, as long as you stick to it a lot longer this time.....
