VJ - I do see the pattern too. And I feel like I am stuck in this mess. I would love to destroy all her stuff...but my mom was kinda concerned about it being TOO obvious. LOL..Yes, I was on the phone consulting my mom what I should do...I was gonna get rid of all of them, but mom suggested otherwise...and because I had to put back the stuff into its place, I found the photos and get to see how ow looks like.
Journalling... After my last post...H called me at my mom's place...told me how the house looked like. Huge with big halls, big garden, big pool. Near to the International School...walking distance. Asked whether if I will get a car from my company blah blah blah. He spoke. I listened. H was like saying "I am telling you..." and I answered "Yes, I am listening". He got a little frustrated because I sounded so uninterested...probably because I was...as I have been duped too many times. I left my mom's and came back home alone. Had to have travel out of town for work tomorrow so left the boys to sleep over at my mom's.
Was sorting out some accounts when H called. Started off pleasant then we "argued" abit around the Me wanting to call ow. H sort of blew-up again and I said that I would put down the phone if he is going to be angry. He actually shouted at me "Can you please SHUT UP and listen to me?? As I told you, I don't like to be pushed in the corner. Don't you think that me coming back to you without being forced is better than being forced? Now, you are not forcing me, if I come back, I am really back, ok? If I am breaking up with her, can I do it my way? Can't it be how it's been like for the last few weeks? I will sort it out. Just let it be. Blah blah blah" I answered basically the way as per my emails... and reconciling would be difficult, and I can't be walking in eggshells all the time. H: At least we try to do it. Don't you think that its better to try than not to" Me: Yes. H: So, can you please leave it to me.And not do anything? Don't tell your boss that you don't want the job in Country X. Me: *sigh* My mentor did ask me what happened to my January deadline...why throw in the towel now when its only two months to go *sigh* H: Yeah..you said till January. I will sort it out by then. If I don't, you can call her or do whatever you want. Me: Okay. Maybe we should not talk about US. Just about the boys and other stuff then.
H then proceeded to tell me more about the house. Want to move, as the current house (the one selected by ow) is too small to accommodate four of us...everywhere he goes, he sees the boys stuff all over the place. Number of rooms...blah blah blah, the rent, the number of ppl required to upkeep the house, that we have to move all our furniture there, boys can have their own room each, blah blah blah... nice house...blah blah...want us to move there soon....and then he said "you don't want to listen right?" Me: It's nice to fantasize about the house...but you know, I've been hopeful and disappointed soooo many times. H: I know. I understand. Me: I just want you to know that if you do come back and work on our marriage. It will NOT be easy. There will be trust issues etc etc... H: I know. Even if I dont' do anything, and stare at you, I have to do it, right? Me: Huh? What do you mean? H: As in you not allowing me to go out, and not letting me out of sight...so just sit and stare at you. I will have to do it right? Believe me, girl (he's been calling me that for ages...18 years maybe??) Once is enough. It will never happen again. I was quiet and then changed to subject to our friend who had just given birth to a 8 lb baby boy!! Then we talked about my work trip tomorrow...problems at work, and then as we were ending the call, he said "have a massage when you are there".
So...what do you guys think? Same pattern, right? Talk talk talk...no action. I guess PATIENCE is the key here....after all ...it's only two months....
