YoYo if you can't beat them join them so I agree with VJ that is a fabulous idea, definately get rid of her stuff and say nothing, what can H really say, not much.
You have a great weekend and be that sex goddess he seems to love so much, which will leave him with something to think about and definately leave whatever you can subtly of course....Goodluck.....KDU
VJ, Blueman, Horselover, Kismet : Hey...guys/gals, thanks for dropping by to wish me and to check on this little ole yoyo...ooops..shouldn't call myself ole...
the ow had the nerve to leave her personal things at your H's house??? That should be all packed up and disposed of, just get it out of there. And don't say a word, let her question H and he can be clueless...she will know who took it, especially when you leave your stuff in it's place. VJ - ow thought that this would be "their" love nest. she was the one that "selected" the place...that's why she's got stuff sent here. I'm not sure if she's been there recently. And yes, I intend to get rid of her stuff. Not to dispose though...I don't like to waste stuff. So, I figured I could pack it off as Xmas pressies to charities or my SILs...LOL. Yup, and to put my stuff in its place. And my H would be clueless. LOL
do it with your class .. not anger Blueman - will definitely have to do it with class. Have to bring the fateful rubber band. TWANG!!!
thank you for the mention of the MakeUp Don't Break Up book Horselover - You are very much welcome!! Glad that the book helped...that's all it matters. That's what this site is all about - to help us understand and deal with our sitch in a better and more constructive way....
approaching its use by date, I started putting it on S14's sandwiches. Kismet - I had to say that gave me a huge chuckle. Sorry, don't mean to be mean...but it does sound kinda funny. Maybe I could substitute those fancy Valentiney Chocolate Body Paint with regular Coles-bought Nutella.... he he he
And yes, I do intend to make that boy WANT me and YEARN for me...LOL...
Journalling... After my last post, still continued to receive more notti texts from H. Went on almost the whole day throughout work. I had to say that it was rather difficult to concentrate!!!! One part, Mr Yoyo asked "what are you gonna do sexually if we really go on our separate ways? Can still meet up for monthly f**ks?". I replied "I dare you to continue to f**k me. You'll probably be fitted with a chastity belt with only one key, which is held onto tight by her!!"... LOL...He didn't reply to this text. Ha ha ha... But continued with other notti texts... After work, I went to have my bikini wax (ahem, ahem...) and when it was done, I sent him a teasing text to inform him that the * is waxed. He replied and called me a "hottie". Mmmm....What do you think of that? Later in the night, had some text exchanges on how we are going to be picked up from the airport...
This morning... H did call me..inquired if I am working today or not, and told me to bring my laptop with me to Country X....to bring extra DVDs for the boys... So, I will be off to country X in like 6 hours... Countdown to Tsunami.. LOL...
Oh..My mom was telling me that she went out for a late night dessert with my three sisters...and at the cafe, she somehow saw this girl..with long hair, no boobs, no butt and somehow has the instinct that she is the ow...I don't know... my mom said that she looked/stared at my mom a couple of times. I was like "how would she know who you are" and my mom said "how would you know that she has not been to your house and seen our family photos?"...then my mom actually called me from the cafe to talk to S8 and S5 and she asked loudly "are you boys ready to go to Country X to see your daddy?"... And when she spoke to my sisters, she was like dropping things like "oh...I see P's (H's initial) mother EVERY week. And I only see your MIL once a year...blah blah"... I think she did it so subtly that my sisters don't even know what she was up to....So, that woman could be ow, could not...Oh..well, gave my mom some acting practices..LOL.. I was saying..IT would be kinda scary that if that woman really was ow..... Some things are just uncanny... and weird. Whatever it is...I am gonna have fun this weekend!!! And I have to remember to pop into the supermarket for that jar of nutella...
Hey Yoyo that is funny with your mum I wonder if it was OW, maybe your Mum is a bit pychic.....If you can't get Nutella how about just melting a block of choc in Microwave in a bowl. You just break the choc into small pieces add about a tablespoon or two of cream so it doesn't burn and stir every 30 secs until it's melted and it's yummy, you can then do with it what you like Have a good weekend.
Oh and if H isn't going to be with you why in the hell would he want to have sex with you once a month....
if it was ow, maybe your Mum is a bit pychic Nope...that was not the ow. Took two pics back and showed it to my mom. Nope...not her. How I got the pics? Long story..more in my journalling bit.
Nutella Did buy a jar of Nutella from the supermarket! Use it the conventional way though...ie. eat it! LOL
why in the hell would he want to have sex with you once a month... Beats me????
Can't really remember all the details..but overall quite pleasant with H. Some R talks on Sunday Night and Monday Morning. We did argue abit on ow. We did have s@x everyday whilst I was there (except Monday...because we were arguing in the morning, and H had to go to work). Didn't exactly kiss and make-up but we did part on "friendly terms". Did meet him for lunch where he commented that I looked pretty blah blah blah.
I did more snooping...I found ow's stash of bras & undies in H's luggage bags. I took 3/4 out, cut them and disposed of them. Disposed half of her nail polish, all of her son block lotions, took her expensive toiletries.... Oh..reason that I didn't got rid of all is that when I am confronted, "Me? If it was me, I would have thrown ALL out! So, it can't be me!". Put some of my own bra n undies in the cupboard. My toiletries in the bathroom... When I went to put back the 1/4 of the stuff, I found photos!!! Oh gosh...I took two out...so that my sisters and mom knows how the b@tch looks like if they do see her. My god! Without her layers of makeup, she is really quite unimpressive. I feel so disappointed that my H cheated on me with her!!! Okay, to be fair, with her layers of make-up, fake eye-lashes and all, she looks quite nice. But without those things...I really don't know what he sees in her. And she absolutely has NO boobs!!! Probably a 32 A or 32AA. Gosh!!!
Anyway, from the photos, found that ow's whole family, father, mother, sister, brother ALL went to Country X and stayed in the house (yup, same one that I was staying when I was there...) around 7-9 October. I got to pop round to that date and see my post if I felt any "funny" feelings... ow does think that is HER house. And you know what stupid Mr.Yoyo said on one of our trysts (btw, he doesn't know that I know about the bras/undies, photos etc) "you ARE sleeping on her bed". I told him "Oh...goody. I am the OW now? I feel soooo naughty !!". I don't know what lies my H has been feeding her.. apparently she doesn't know that we were visiting him in Country X...and H said "Has it occurred to you that if I have been lying to you, I've also lied to her?" So, H is ONE BIG @SSHOLE!!!
One more thing that I found, H had secretly took out another credit card and racking up HUGE debts... wining and dining her, buying luxury goods and all. I tell you, H is NOT one who normally buys luxury stuff...and this b@tch has made him into someone I don't know anymore. I am soooo worried that he is digging a hole deeper and deeper for himself. I don't know, my guess is that he FEELS SO GOOD about himself, when he goes into those fancy luxury stores and be treated like a million dollars, and when he buys those things for ow, she would be "oh...my huney, you are soooo goood to me...wow...i lurve you soooo much"... and it made him FEEL good. I mean I would never ever be able to make myself go into one of those shops and spend that kind of money. I don't know if ow knows that he is racking up all these debts with her lavish lifestyle..which I must add that she is from a middle-class background NOT accustomed to all these things when growing up. I guessed she does have a good job now and FEELS that she can afford all these things and these things make her feel more sophisticated and classy?? WHich I am sorry to say, no amount of designer luxury goods will give.... And H is living in a la-la land? How long can he sustain this kind of lifestyle??? Deceit??? Does ow know that he is racking up all these debt??? And when her whole family was in Country X, no doubt he paid for everything!!! And he has the cheek to tell me that he doesn't have much $$. My friends were telling me to upgrade and buy more luxury stuff with H's money... I don't think I can make myself do it. 1) I don't need all the PRADAS and TODS to make me feel a cut above. I know that I AM a cut above. 2) I cannot make myself spend $$$$$$ on these things. 3) I don't want H to be ridden with MORE debt.
What can I do? I did send him an email... about what IF I call her? Oh..and he has called me back...and said "If you call her, we are done!" Threatening me?? I am sooooo fed-up with it all....
Hey Yoyo, well that must have been an emotional weekend. Good work with the underwear. Maybe next time take some itching powder to sprinkle in her undies Give H a dose too, maybe he'll think he caught something from her (yes I know I am being childish) Well the lack of class in the ow's never fails to impress. All the Prada in the world won't make that one a lady.
Yoyo have you taken steps to make sure that you and the boys are protected financially, esp, if H is going crazy spending $$ on ow.
No real advice honey, just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.
Wow...talk about an exciting weekend...I can just picture you scurrying about the house doing this and that...talk about a priceless moment. Oh what fun!! And now you have become the ow with your things there...gawd I love it!!
Love the itching powder...too bad you didn't have a jar of fire ants around...oh my...that must be the Texas girl in me coming out.
Yoyo I am sorry you are feeling disappointed. I loved Kismets idea on the itching powder
Yoyo your H says the most unbelievable things at times like the if I am lying to her wouldn't you think I would lie to you type thing. I know you want to fight her and you want to win your H but do you really think you love your H at the moment.
If not then go dark, don't contact him GAL, don't give a $hit and see what he does but in order for that to work you have to truly not care and you have to want to do it for you not to just get a reaction out of H. If you aren't in that place yet that is fine just keep going like you are.
Whatever you do Yoyo it has to be what feels comfortable for you so otherwise I don't have much advise but I do remind you of when you dropped the rope once before he was doing all the chasing, which is what makes me think he is still interested. Just my opinion for what it is worth.
Kismet, StrongNSassy, KDU - Thanks gals for checking up on me.
take some itching powder to sprinkle in her undies Give H a dose too, maybe he'll think he caught something from her Well, he'll probably think that he caught something from me!! At the rate that we were going on...
Yoyo have you taken steps to make sure that you and the boys are protected financially, esp, if H is going crazy spending $$ on ow Not really. So far, he has been sending the agreed $$ back for the boys each month. So I haven't actually pushed for anything concrete on paper. I do have a job, so would not be too bad. Will not be lavish lifestyle but don't think we'll starve. Plus my parents will definitely help out if it comes to that.
Oh what fun!! And now you have become the ow with your things there...gawd I love it!! I have to say that I did relish the feeling of cutting up her stuff!!! She had pairs of mandarin ducks (to symbolize "Couple Togetherness" in Feng Shui Terms) in the living room. I scratched out H's initials on one, and mine on the other....
but do you really think you love your H at the moment. Perhaps not at the moment. I do love him that I really don't want to see him digging a deeper and deeper hole..that's why I've said that I am calling ow....to put a stop to all this lavish spending on unnecessary junk. More of that later....
when you dropped the rope once before he was doing all the chasing, which is what makes me think he is still interested From my last post, after I sent the "What IF I call ow" email, we had a whole barrage of email exchanges. He took that as a threat.
H's Email I already said very clearly that I am gonna work things through...so don't screw it up. If you call her...it's all over for us and I will definately not be with you nor her. Let I said, you just have to screw things up when things are improving!!!!! I missed all of you yesterday...but after this mail, I am actually really angry with all the threats.
Then H called and ask "What's your problem??"
Next Email which followed I have time today and I'm gonna register the boys for the International School this afternoon.If you wanna screw this up by calling her...just go ahead.
My email to him started with me telling him that I am writing this as a friend, and as ow probably doesn not know that he is getting into huge debts by her lavish lifestyle otherwise she won't be doing it. And I didn't want him to get deeper into debt. One part, I said ..... If giving you a divorce, and me talking to her is the only way to get you straighten out, I will do it. I know there is NO MORE SAVING of this marriage. Besides, like you said, you will never be the same. And I am not sure if I want to live my life whereby my husband is constantly pinning for another woman. I know that I will be able to bring up the boys well. That you don’t have to worry. You don't have to be angry at me anymore. Like I said, I will sign the papers when we've separated two years. You get what you want, and you can be happy. I really wish you all the best. P/s I am not threatening. I just think that she needs to help you out.
H's email Listen to me...I'm not asking for a divorce.So just stop with this.Leave things as it is and I'll sort it out.
Me (Okay, seems a bit jumbled up, but there were times that we were both emailing at the same time) I don't want to hear about schools anymore. I don't want to hear any lies anymore.I don't want to be responsible for screwing up your life anymore.I think it is time for her to worry about you. I don't want to do it anymore.You take care.
H Are you at your desk now?? I wanna call you
H then calls. I didn't pick it up (not intentionally....was in the loo)...
Then he calls again... we talked and I told him that I didn't want him to come back to me because he didn't have a choice and that I forced him. And he said "you are saying one thing one time and another thing another time. I cannot rely on your mood swinging. Blah blah blah".
Sent an email to him You don’t have to rely on my mind-changing swings…You can keep this email for future reference. I give you my WORD that after two years separation, I will sign the papers.You can start the ticking clock from YESTERDAY, i.e. 21 Nov 2005.
H then emails me to get to IM. I don't. Then he calls and says "you are damn stupid! Can't you see that the fact that I am calling you means that I want you? blah blah blah... And keep your mouth shut about the job. Give it a week. Promise me you won't talk to your boss yet" (I told him that I was gonna tell my boss to forget about the job in Country X).
Then he emails First of all...thought you were gonna back date it to Sept??? On a serious note.....Every time I see you and the boys, I feel we will be back as a family again because i really do miss all of you. But, every time you see me, you get into one of those moods that will screw things up. Like I said in the last few mails, let it be and i'll sort things out. I may seem like I'm dragging my feet...but I'm not. I'm just trying to do the right thing at the right time. So, just leave it to me and i sort it out. Like you said before, you have all the time and not in a rush. So, why the sudden change??? Found your Italian Stallion??? Pls stop with the calling her bit. You can call her if I really ditch the family. But don;t do it now coz you will really screw things up.
Then later in the afternoon, I logged onto my IM. And H was there..and asked why I was offline the whole day.. Tells me that "he wants me and the boys" blah blah blah.. I told him roughly the same thing as in my emails. He told me to SHUT UP and let him sort things out. TOld me "Not messing with your head, but I am going to see a bigger house. IF boys and you go over, we would need a bigger house. " Blah blah blah...
I sent him an email in response to his earlier one Okay, to make you happy, I will back-date to 1st September 2005 I don’t want to screw things up anymore.
I don’t want to be responsible for your unhappiness, or your non-contentment of life. You told me on the 2nd of April, 2005 that you will end it with her. It’s been 8 ½ months already. If you call that NOT dragging your feet, I don’t know what is. Is the right thing really the “right” thing at all?
When is the right time?
Or after the right time, there is still always the “re-connection” time.
How sure are you that you are going to stick to it? Afterall, you’ve failed like 10 times before??? Sudden change because the faster we get this over and done with, the faster I can talk to her, The faster she will STOP her lavish spending, the faster you can repay your debts. I can’t help you to cover the hole, but I can help you to stop digging a deeper hole. Italian Stallion? I wish!! Perhaps this trip to Phuket, I will tell people that I am a single mother traveling with my two kids. If the stallions are interested, they will come… I need her to STOP spending like you PRINT money. I really don’t want you to go bankrupt or to commit suicide over the credit card debts.
Also, going on a CLEAN break would be easier to deal with. Yeah, will hurt like hell, but at least I can send the kids to a child psychologist, I can rebuild my life as a proper single independent mother. You deal with your life, I deal with mine.
On the other hand, jumping back to the marriage is like uncharterred waters. There is soooo many unknowns. So many issues
1) Are we going to sweep everything under the carpet, and pretend nothing has happened and be normal?
2) Are we going to a marriage counselor?
3) Are we going to sort out the underlying problems as to WHY you need to get your NEEDS fulfilled by a third party?
4) Are you confident that you can remain in the marriage and concentrate all your efforts required to rebuild the marriage?
5) Or it’s going to be a TRIAL reconciliation, and the first sign of disagreement (my “screw-ups” as you call it) you will bolt out of the door again? And you would say “At least, I’ve tried!”
6) How are we going to deal with the TRUST issues? Would you have the patience to EARN back the lost trust?
So, it’s not going to be easy…. In fact, it’s gonna be DAMN DAMN HARD!!!
H IMs "wow...your email is very long. Will read later. I've got to go and see the house now".
That's it. I know it's like the plot for a soap opera...but don't know what came over me. Overwhelmed with pent-up emotions? I really really don't want him to get into more financial [censored].... It's gone beyond me and him and our M. I don't know... perhaps the dropping the rope thing is true??
Hey Yoyo...I am seeing a pattern here in your H's behavior. He promises you time and time again that he is going to work it out - he stops you from contacting the OW by saying "I was JUST about to chose you, but if you do that, I won't chose you". Then once he has you convinced, he starts to waffle again about making the choice.
Now just because I see the pattern doesn't mean I'm sure of the best thing to do about it! Maybe just you recognizing it, and seeing how you tend to fall into the same cycle by saying and doing the things you do - you react the same way almost every time he does this. It's like the two of you are caught in this dance and just can't stop the habits that keep you here. Maybe just you decide that you won't comment either way on what he says until you see some proof, not just words. I don't know, I'll think on this and see if I come up with anything, or maybe someone else has some wisdom!
But hang in there, it had to be a tough weekend, and you got through it. I would have destroyed all her stuff, though!
he seems to love so much, which will leave him with something to think about and definately leave whatever you can subtly of course....Goodluck.....KDU 
Have a good weekend.
Give H a dose too, maybe he'll think he caught something from her 