H just texted a reply... H: It has nothing to do with being scared. SOmething we have to accept...I'm doing this because I really don't have a choice since u made it clear that u will make it difficult for divorce. I know u won't wanna hear this. Given a choice..at this moment, I'll probably be with her. Now, I just have to try to get things back to normal. May take time or might never cos it really hurts. Me: I know it hurts. I accept that. I am just saying that in the the long run, this would be the best for her and the boys. Don't you agree? I you love her and the boys, you need to do this. As I said, you can hate me or despise me. But as long as you think of the boys first, I am fine with that. I just hope time will heal your hurt and you will learn to love me again. Love Wifey. H: Never said that I don't love you...
SO,...go gather????!!?? WTF??
I know I am GIVING HIM NO CHOICE...Forcing him to come back to me for the wrong reasons?? At this point, I don't care....Let's wait and see what OW says...
Hey YoYo. He's full of sh$t about you giving him no choice. He can make any choice he wants. But I think it is good that he owned up to how he feels, and it's good that you validated. I say "way to go" girl. I think you're doing the right thing. I'm sure he does love you (who couldn't after all, with your texting skills ) but he "would rather be with her" because of all the fun it is to have a girlfriend instead of a wife. In his heart though, he knows what is right. Keep us posted.
BigAl - Thanks for dropping by with your comments/advice. I do feel better! I do hope that he does know WHAT is the RIGHT thing to do. What I am afraid of is that he asks us to move to Country X, and his YEARNING for OW will make my life there unbearable. *sigh*... That is quite a scary thought. I don't know if I should "clarify" if he is sure that he wants us there... Although his text about "things may not be the same" is rather negative...I don't know, in general, he still treats me rather well. I am quite confused at this point in time...and is trying to just not say anything really bad to jeopardise the current sitch of him wanting to have an exit strategy with OW. *sigh* Any ideas anyone?? I thought of going dark, but I think that's not it. So, what I'll do is not to contact him till before I go to bed, and just have a short "Good Night and Love you, Wifey" Text later tonight...Nothing else I can do except that I guessed.
Journalling.. After the last text, I was kinda shifty and yoyo-ing, and wanting to send him a text about me NOT wanting to go to Country X if he doesn't want me blah blah blah...BUT Stopped myself.
I did send H a text about 4 hours later (for our joint financial stuff)... Me: Please send $$$ to XYZ Bank. H: I have no money. My claims are late. Me: How then? We need the $$$ to pay for the loan. I thought you said that you have $$$? H:It was supposed to go in last week already...but didn't. Will check with finance. Me: Please let me know when you hear something from your finance. I know you hate me, but please do not let this hate stifle our joint responsibilities. Thanks.
No news from H...I know I am "accusing" him of being petty and not being responsible. But this is one thing that really irks me. H pushing away THIS bit of responsibility, and me having to find a solution. *sigh* What can one do?? Plus if I go to Country X, I may not have a job?? How am I gonna sort out this bit???
Oh..my guy friend said that my H is trying to "save face" when he said that if given a choice, he would choose her... What do you think? Is my H trying to make it easier for himself to come back to the family? Does he need to convince himself mentally that he doesn't have a choice? I think I need to breathe....breathe...breathe...
Blueman/KDK - DOn't worry about me....I know I am not DBING... Oh no.. I am not saying you do... in fact I feel exactly same.. and I am in exact same boat.. great job, great friends, grat family.. and interestingly a great girl waiting for me - Told W about it too openly....
In fact I agree with you - every case is different.. self respect is not in not calling and sticking for marriage & for WAS... I am with you ! Everything is fair in ..... !! Keep it up... fight HARD. I am... fighting really hard... more she blocks me more i break those blocks.. more she ignores me more i force her to not ignore me... more she feels she can take me for granted.. more I tell her that she can lose me... so yeah.. it will go on ...
Yoyo, sounds like our Spouses are in the same place. You are handling your stitch much better though. I wish I had some of your resolve. I'm trying to get there. Good luck!
Hey Yoyo. Your poor boob. I guess the good thing is that it bought out all the worries that S8 has and hopefully that will be the end of that for him. Plus it was a bit of a wake up call for WAH.
From what I see now, OW may be coming up with funny tactics to stop this breakup between her and H. She may be so distraught and be the damsel in distres.. threaten suicide? What happens then? What's the normal reaction of the WAS when this happens??
WHAT's the advice from wise DBers??
Not a wise DBer ~ never been in your position, but FWIW I think this is the time you DB your a$$ of and H realises what a mess she is and how amazing you are. So no demands, just flirty, fun, sexy W.
I hope the $$ situation has sorted itself out. Remember to breathe Yoyo.
KML/Blueman/Flaneur/Kismet - Thanks guys...for checking up on me and making me feel better...I am still fumbling through all this.
Had a great talk with a male coworker last night. He's the same one that said that my H wants to "save face" by saying that I gave him no choice. I had great insight about how a man would think. He said that it's all about saving face. It's like he had fallen on the floor, but refuses to say that he fell, but instead said that he's trying to get a handful of sand from the ground. This coworker of mine, whom I shall refer as F really opened my eyes. When I was complaining about my H expressing his hurt about OW, (although I didn't express to H, I did vent here and to another friend about how insensitive H is to my feelings of his want of OW), F told me that it is good that he feels that he can tell me the truth. F also said that if he does it again, do NOT show that I am unhappy or angry, otherwise, he wouldn't want to express the truth anymore. F also advised that I should continue to do what I have been doing, be understanding, to not give any pressure. F also said that H must have thought about all these already, and he said yeah it'll hurt, but once my H gets past the WORST hurt about OW, it'll taper off and won't be that bad. Key thing is to be patient, no pressures blah blah blah..YEAH...THE DBING TECHNIQUES!! Another thing that F said was that (about the saving face bit...) H feels that he's been placed up on an altar, and by saying that he has no choice but to come back to the family, is like having a chair to help him down from the altar back to the ground. And I, as the W whose trying to get my H back to the right way, should steady the chair rather than pull it away from him. F also said that it would be good if OW starts to put the "guilty" trick on my H, then my H would start to retract from her fast.... Let's see...
Journalling... After my last post, didn't hear from H...thought that he was really upset with me (but knowing him, he can't really be angry with me long...never did in our 18 years together...it was always me holding grudges)...H called me up about 9.00 pm. I was still with F having dinner. H: Are your fingers in your pants yet? Me: LOL Nooooo... still having dinner. H: Okay then. Talk to you tomorrow. Me: Okay. You going to bed now? H: No..just leaving the restaurant. Me: Okay. Bye..nite.
Then when I drove back to my hotel, I saw a text message on my phone. H: Call me when your h*rny p*ssy is w*t n ready to be f**ked hard!! Me: Just got back to the hotel. Shower first. Give me 15 minutes. I'll call you.. H: F**ked yourself first. I wanna the h*rny p*ssy to be really wet first. Not long later, H called me, and asked "Came?" and I said that I wasn't even ready. And he said "Okay, call me". So, I did call him about 5 minutes later...and we did have a session of phone s*x And we hung up. I did send him a text Me: Can't believe that I am soooo h*rny. Anyway, Nite nite. Lots of Love, WIfey H: yep..u r h*rny. As for me, i'm as confuse as i was 9 months ago. Only difference this time is that i have to make a choice cause it's killing me. at least i'm doing well in my work. Me: But you've always done well in your work!! Nite nite.
He is still as confused as 9 months ago?? WTF?? I didn't want to acknowledge the "make choice" bit... Just in the morning, he said he's already made a decision since he has no choice, and in the night, he is still talking about making choices. WTF??? I think he is one real MR. YOYO alright. I just don't get it??!?? WTF??!? I am just gonna go on business as usual. Hopefully, with my continued calmness and zero pressure, and his tapering romantic love peak with OW will make him see the light. I have to leave him to his yoyo-ing....Can't help him there...
I don't know...maybe H needs a slight push...perhaps I will ask him this tomorrow "I am planning to talk to my boss about job prospects in Country X." And see if he reverts with "No..hold on please"... Or what do you gus suggest? Advice appreciated.
Well, I'm not so much a wise DBer, but I do agree your H is trying to save his pride by saying you "forced" him back or gave him no choice. My feeling is he wants to come back, but doesn't want to go through the mess of breaking it off with OW. And from what you have said, it will be a mess - she will make sure of it.
Ignore totally what he said about "making" the choice. He told you the choice was made. If he wants to put this on you, then you just act like you absolutely know he will do the right thing and return to his family. Keep going with what he told you, and keep acting like you and he are working toward rebuilding your R.
But no more negative comments...like the "i know you hate me" thing. I used to make some of those, try to pull them off as half joking, but all I was doing was looking for reassurance from him "oh, no, that's not how I feel". Either I didn't get the reassurance, which was bad, or I did, but I appeared weak and needy. You are strong and desired by many, not weak and needy!
) but he "would rather be with her" because of all the fun it is to have a girlfriend instead of a wife. In his heart though, he knows what is right. Keep us posted. 
And we hung up.