Nothing much in terms of H, but have been doing quite a lot on the GAL side.
Sunday - Had lunch with my girlfriends, and then rushed home to take boys to a birthday party which started about 3 pm. Hung about and chatted with friends (H's and mine) till about 7.30 pm... Went home, hung around a bit with boys...Put boys to bed, and then went on to prepare stuff for the halloween party that I'm having...Had a couple of texts from H. H: WOke up in the middle of the night. I'm ok here. Bought shoes and new suit. Call u in a few days. Trying to sleep again. Nite nite. (H normally doesn't spend much on shoes and clothes...and lately, he's been spending a bomb on these stuff!!!) H: Everthing OK?? Me: All Ok. Boy r fine. Just came back from R's girls' birthday party....blah blah. Will be having a Halloween party tmrw at our house. Going to bed now. Nite Nite. H: Nite nite...
Next Day - Monday... Was busy getting ready for the party. Whole group of our mutual friends as well as some of mine came to the party. Was hectic but fun. I dressed up as a Witch. The other friend dressed up as a vampire...and made alittle girl cried, and his own son puke. LOL... One of H's old and good friend was there too... He acted kinda strange towards me..like he didn't know what to say. Anyway, after the party, I texted H. Me: How r you? All ok? Just had the Halloween Party at our hse. Whole gang came. Blah blah blah... Nite. Nite. Lots of Love Wifey xxx H: I'm okay...was just abt to sms you. going to office now. bye.
This morning..Tuesday... I called him up for the boys to talk to him... When he said "Hello"..I just said "Wait, boys want to talk to you"...and passed the phone to S8 and S5. I heard S5 ask him at the end of their convo "do you want to talk to mummy?" and I think H said "I will call her later..". SO, he didn't really want to talk to me. ... Oh well... Also, today, I got an email from H telling me that he couldn't see the pics that I sent, and that he visited the King Tut exhibition at LA. I replied, and asked abit about the exhibition, and sort of hinted on US visiting Egypt next spring, talked about our party etc etc. Again, I signed off as Love, Wifey xxx Oh..had breakfasts at Mc.Ds with some friends and their kids. We were talking about my sitch. One of the question that came up was "What if OW makes herself pregnant to trap H??" *sigh* Can't really control this factor can I? Just have to pray that my H is NOT SOOO stupid!!!! And pray that the OW is also NOT SOOO evil!!!! OH..also heard that the whole group of guys went on to play poker after the Halloween Party, and the whole time, they were b#tching about my H. Also, one of the guys have seen the OW..says "She's tall, slim and quite pretty..but not my type". Oh well... She's my H's type...and my H is IN-LOVE with her... Will really have to NOT focus on my H anymore...focus on not letting OW have her cake... and hopefully, it will give me strength to fight for my M.
I think H is still rather conflicted..He wants OW and wants the kids? Don't know if he really wants me..Not gonna self-pity. Gonna focus...focus..focus....to fight OW off....Can't do much now..other than GAL. H is travelling for the entire week.
I have to say that I was a little bothered by the comment made about the "entrapment via pregnancy". And was a bit dejected with my continued effort to fight for M. I've been lurking around on the BB and reading the success stories and the DOs and DON'Ts of DBING, and I have to say that I feel much better. I can't control H or OW, but I can control my own emotions and actions.
I will NOT ASSume things. I will be POSITIVE. I will ACT AS-If all is OKAY. I will remain CALM at ALL Times. I will NOT have any ANGER. I will be PATIENT. I will continue to have FAITH and HOPE. I will SMILE more. I will be the MORE attractive option for my H.
(I have to say the DO NOT ASSume stuff is really very true. I sent H some text messages, and didn't get any replies....thought that he wanted "space", thought that he is trying to "minimize" contact...BUT just realised that the messages have NOT been sent. So, BOTTOM Line is DO NOT ASSUME!!!!)
I have to say that Deb's advice and experience has really helped me alot, in having hope and in dealing with my sitch. I will continue to hope and pray that my sitch will improve leaps and bounds, and I can say that I am "piecing"! Well, that is still a GOAL...not there yet.
Oh...well...
One Day at a TIME!!! It's a bright sunny future!!!!
And just to help out that intent, "assuming" comes via:
Trying to predict the future Believing that others should think or act as you do Trying to read minds Projecting onto another person Jumping to conclusions Permitting negative emotions to color reality Personalizing others' actions/words
Hey Yoyo, glad to see you're still hanging in there.
I have to say that I was a little bothered by the comment made about the "entrapment via pregnancy
Don't go there. I have to admit this too has crossed my mind. But this is a road we do not need our thoughts to go down. Whack that rubber band. Don't you just love friends that bring up these things
I think this always crosses all of our minds...it's truly a horrible thought and for those that have actually had to endure this truth my heart goes out to them.
All we can work with is what we have today. As for her being attractive, phooey on them for EVEN bringing it up. I remember when everyone told me about OW, they told me she looked like she had been rode hard and put up wet and appeared to be late 40s early 50s. LOL!! Skippy is 33 which makes him 9 yrs younger than me so I just about died hearing that she was older. When I finally met her, yes they were correct in their description HOWEVER, she was 2yrs younger than me, LOL!!! Just goes to show what the good life of drinking will do to you!!
Don't give it or any of it a second thought...you are better than that and her. As the DBC told me it's never about the OP it's about the WAS.
NYS, Kismet, Horselover... Thanks for dropping by.
And just to help out that intent, "assuming" comes via: Trying to predict the future Believing that others should think or act as you do Trying to read minds Projecting onto another person Jumping to conclusions Permitting negative emotions to color reality Personalizing others' actions/words
NYS - Thanks for reminding me that. I know that...I find the above easier to adhere to when I am not face-to-face with H. I have learned to put negative things aside and not let it bother me significantly. I am much clearer in my mind as to the BIG picture, and not let little minor hiccups mar my main goal.
As for the "entrapment via pregnancy"...I have told myself that it is really beyond my control. So, I am not going to think about it. The reason why this particular friend brought it up was because she DID have a friend that did absolutely that. She was in a R with a separated man, and he did specifically told her that he didn't want any more children. She got pregnant thinking that it would push him to marry her...but he didn't. He got back with his W. Anyway, can't control that...so, getting that thought out of the door...
you are better than that and her I know that I am BETTER than her!!! For one, I am from a better upbringing..with VALUES!!! I don't know if my H was trying to make me feel better or what...but many times, he did say that I am better than her in many ways...but he just couldn't understand why he is drawn to her. There was once I was dejected and commented "she is more attractive than I am?" and H was quick to say "I said she is slimmer than you, NOT more attractive. Besides..you've had two kids". So? Go figure...
Journalling... Nothing much happening...did send H a text last night. Only got a reply early this morning. I texted him again and told him that the next time he talks to the boys, to just tell them that he loves them, and that he had to work, and will see them soon... (reason was that S5 is starting to say things like daddy doesn't love his sons and his wife anymore...No..didn't tell H that as he would think that it's my ploy..) H did text and told me to tell the boys that he loves them. I sent him a short text which said "Nothing...Just want to tell you that I love and missed you." Later, he did call to talk to the boys and we did have a short chat. I know saying ILY is not to LRT, but I think it is a 180s. Anyway, so far, H hasn't told me outright to STOP saying that...so, I will continue to do so... I think he needed to know that inspite of all he's done, I still love him....He did ask me that question about a month back. So, as long as I keep things pleasant between us, I think it's okay....
One Day at a TIME!!! It's a bright sunny future!!!
Yoyo just letting you know I am still keeping up with your sitch. I don't have much advice as I can see your sitch is still up and down at the moment and only you can work out the right way to deal with it all.
I will just remind you to not think of OW and not to mention her to H. Goodluck and I hope you see some changes soon....KDU
KDU - Thanks for checking... Don't worry about me. I do not think about OW in terms of whether if she is prettier, better, more fun etc etc anymore. That's fairly out of my system (fingers-crossed). These days, I only think of her when I need to boost up my bionic strength ...to continue to fight for what I believe in, ie. saving my M and keeping my H for myself. With that in mind, it gives me motivation to be cheerful, and pleasant when I am in contact with H. As for mentioning OW to H; I will STOP doing so. I will ACT AS-IF there is no such person, and we are okay... I need to SHOW H that I am pleasant, fun, cheeful and the more attractive option than OW. I have to continue to keep my composure and wait this out......
Journalling... Last night, sent H a text to update on the boys... Me: What's up? Busy? It's 1 am over here. Surfin the net. Had a trim and our politician said "still soooo beautiful" but S8 didn't even notice! Took boys to ISL with the Ls and Ns. Had dinner @ the Ls. Very sleepy. Call you tmrw. Nite. Take Care. No reply from H... wasn't sure if the text reached him because my mobile indicated that the message was still "pending". Received a text from H in the wee hours of this morning. Didn't read it till it was a decent hour. H: Change of plans. Not going to Europe. COO wants to play golf. Going to famous Pebble Beach in SFX. Will be flying tomorrow. Me: Quite a sudden change of plans, isn't it? COO of your co or client? SFX? Last time we were there was 9 years ago, during our Honeymoon. Anyway, get some Ghiradelli chocolates. Not too much though. Call you later. Love Wifey.
Still my message was showing "Pending". Called H when the boys were UP, but couldn't get through. So, sent him a text again. Me: Tried calling, but couldn't get through. Have you been receiving my texts? Kept on showing as "pending" on my phone.
Later, I received a text from H "Call me now" but I guessed I didn't see the message, as he called me on my mobile. We had a short chat...about his scheduled trip to SFX, told me he was at a bar now, his schedule to fly back, asked him if he received my "pending" messages and he said that he did.. then let him speak to both S5 and S8. When the phone was passed back to me, I asked "did you tell them that you love them?" and H said that I should put them back on...so, that was it. So far, cordial and pleasant. No mushy stuff. Mosf of my mushy stuff (ILY, IMY) were all on texts...
Set-up an email account for S8 today, and he sent a short email to his dad.... the usual, I miss you and when can I see you again...hopefully that will pull on his heartstrings.
SIL may come over for a visit later today... Another thing is to maintain contact with my in-laws and to maintain "support" for my M and family....
O.K. YoYo I think you are doing well but can I make a suggestion....
You seem to be pursuing H since you came back from country X and to me he will answer you but is not initiating like he did before.
You can still say I Love You and sign off Wifey and still do all that but can I suggest that you let him pursue you, don't be so available. When you are available you can still act like you are but let him contact you.
When you did this before look at how he chased you, I bet you are not having phone sex anymore this is all b/c he now thinks he has you back where he wants and that is accepting of OW and waiting for him, I don't think that is healthy.
You need to act as if and GAL as I said you can still be pleasant and friendly when he does contact you but let him initiate the contact. This is just my opinion and I have voiced it, it doesn't mean that I am right so in the end you do what you feel is right but at least think it over.....Goodluck.....KDU
It's a bright sunny future! 
So, BOTTOM Line is DO NOT ASSUME!!!!)