I'm doing better today. Or I should say, I was. We told the kids this morning. XH told D9 and I told D11. He wanted us to do it this way. Said it would be easier on them. The whole thing upsets me so much I didn't argue with him. I still think we should have done it together.
D9 seems to have taken it okay. Which is really what I expected. She loves CA and almost all of her family is out there, including her real mom. XH has, over this past year managed to change her views on our family. Before I was "mommy" now she still calls me that, but she was calling me by my first name too. It's been just recently that I get hugs or ILYs.
D11 cried a good bit. I told her that Dad had gotten a job offer in CA and he and D9 were going to be moving out there. Then I told her the plan and about the townhouse. She was okay with all of it.
I just feel like such a bad mother. Since XH came in to our lives we've moved around so much, so many school and friends, it makes me so sad for her. I know I'm doing the best I can, but sometimes I feel it's not enough. I'm so afraid that she's going to grow up hating men. Her real father left and hasn't been in her life since she was 1 and 1/2. Now the father she's known for the last six years is going to move 3000 miles away from her. Thankfully my father is a wonderful Grandfather and loves her very much. She means the world to him.
I know in my heart this is for the best, I just wish I didn't feel like such a failure. I just want to give my kids the best life I can. I never thought it would be this way.
