Gabriel, thank you for the encouragement. I still need all I can get. I think you're right about work...part of my problem is pride, I think - I think I keep trying to get back to some level of accomplishment before I seriously try to leave, because I'm so embarassed about how poorly I've been doing. I also don't know what I want to do next....
I should be trying to slepp but I had to come in here and write something after the phone call I just got. WHY WOULD HE DO THIS??? And I know I shouldn't be asking - shouldn't focus on him....XH just called to say that the event he went to at his grad school today was wonderful, and that he really missed me sharing in it, that he missed me, that it wasn't the same without me being part of it, and thanks for all I did to help him get there - WTF???? I did NOT say any of the things I was thinking, like, I miss you, too, and if it's not as good without me being part of it then why did you leave me, and did you take OW with you, and WTF are you doing calling me saying such a thing - WTF WTF WTF WHY???
I answered the phone after looking at caller ID thinking he was calling to say he was hoping I was doing okay today since it was my mother's birthday (she died last year) - I think I would have been okay with that sentiment from him - but WHY would he say that instead? He called yesterday to warn me about the potential snow and offer to drive me anywhere my small car wouldn't go - guess he's feeling guilty about moving me up here from the South and then dumping me.
Okay, enough whining. A co-worker's husband just died from an aneurism at 42, leaving 2 children. I need to focus prayer and positive energy toward her, and quit bitching about my relatively tiny issues. Really puts things in perspective...
