Today I threw out the orchid he got me. This past Valentine's Day when he was still "deciding" I asked him to get me something for Valentine's Day - I was "as if-ing." He got me an orchid - said he loves orchids and had been meaning to get me one. Well the first one bloomed for a good while then they fell off and I looked them up on the internet and watered and fed them even though it looked dead. He replaced that one a few months ago with another one in bloom and gave me some of the planting "dirt" for transplanting it. I read on the internet that you shouldn't replant them until after a year. So this one has been sitting here, dead looking, while I watered and fed it. But I'm pretty sure it's been dead for a while. I never buy plants - I have whatever the far opposite of a green thumb is and always say that I don't want any more dead plant souls on my conscience. With orchids, I read that you're supposed to water and feed them and care for them while they seem dead sometimes for years in the hope that maybe they'll bloom again. There's something there about our relationship...
I threw the orchid carcass away today.
It's his birthday today. He's down in our hometown with his family - his father has been seriously ill. Used to be that we'd talk on the phone late at night when one of us was down there alone. Hurts to think that he's having those late night talks with someone else now. Hurts to know he's not having them with me. When I last spoke to him I asked him to keep me posted on his father's condition. He said, "Of course - you're family." So I should be - and am - thankful for that. Just painful in the soft parts of me and my memory.
