For a brief conversation last weekend, his robot facade cracked. We were talking about having "custody of the eyes" (though we didn't refer to it in those dorky terms, lol) and he admitted that it was VERY hard for him. You coulda knocked me over with a feather! He acts like all this...this SEX stuff..is beneath him and only pervs are actually tempted by porn and stuff. Now, I call him out on this attitude whenever I see it and gently point out that his own wife struggles with that stuff, at which point he'll usually say, Oh yeah I do too...everybody does...I just meant that you'd have to be pretty twisted to act like some of the men out there.
Anyway, we were talking and he let me peek inside for a minute..just a peek...to see that it's HARD for him to live the way he does. I loved seeing this! Blackfoot are ya listening, my friend?! I need to see that he has weak spots, just like me, otherwise I feel that I'm sailing alone in a boat with only my imaginary bb friends to keep me company. To know that my H absoLUTEly notices hot chicks and has to make a conscious effort not to 'go there' so to speak, in a bizarre way makes me happy.
A year ago he would not have admitted, for any reason whatsoever, that he even noticed other women. Period. End of sentence.
So I'm happy to say that he will open up sometimes and let me in. I gotta be honest--I don't want to be there for extended amounts of time..in his deepest, darkest thoughts. It takes away too much of the mystery. But it's a nice little vacation once in a while.
And, the good thing is that this gradual loosening up seems to have resulted in him being able to flirt and show me his desire.
In other news: I am seesawing on my GAL plan. I go in fits and starts, it seems. I've done pretty good with getting out of the house, but my other plans are stalling. Last night, I got on the treadmill for the first time since I bought it two weeks ago, so I'm hopeful that this will turn into a habit for me. I really liked it so that's a start. I know some people don't care for them, because they are boring, but I was so dam glad to get away from my kids for a moment that it didn't bother me.
And, perhaps the biggest news of the day: MrH emailed me a detailed plan of his own getting a life. Totally out of the blue! I never mention that he needs to get out, nor do I try and discourage him doing that. I pretty much encourage him to do things, as he suggests them, and otherwise stay out of it. His plan included: Taking me on a date once per month, having a boys night out once per month, and taking our daughters on 'dates' alone, one child per month.
I loved it! I was so proud of him for even doing it. There is something undeniably attractive about a person who takes care of themselves. It is contagious (hence my sudden desire to hop on the treadmill, I guess) and is just plain appealing.
So to all you martyrs out there, knock it off! No one benefits from this attitude, not the receiver or the giver. I hope the-husband-formerly-known-as-a-martyr actually follows through on his plan because it's a wiener.
