Interesting thoughts, re: FLIRTING. Thinking about it just now, I can honestly say that I miss that the MOST. More than the sex, more than the kissing, more than the backscratches.
Nothing says "I want you" more than flirting. Sex can be faked; mercy sex. Kisses can even be offered begrudingly. But when the person who means more to you than anyone else in the world consciously FLIRTS with you, well . . . all is Right in the Universe.
"Scarecrow, I think I'll miss you most of all." -- Dorothy, in The Wizard of Oz
Ah yes, flirting is truly sublime isn't it. I wonder if the LD spouse understands how much the HD spouse digs it. I betcha my H would say, Oh I didn't know you liked it *that* much!
He is so black and white and sensitive to "right times" and so forth that he likes to only flirt unless we are going to make love right then. Why else would you start flirting? If you can't finish it, what's the point?
So this was a big thing for him. Admittedly, it was driven by the fact that we hadn't ML in 4-5 days, but still this happened two days in a row and I'm hoping for a third, lol.
And, truly, it's not so much the flirting that matters...it's the normalizing of a simple fun thing that married couples do that makes it so sweet to me. It's not something to do: when the kids are older; when he has a better job; when we get to spend more time together; when the oil is changed...but right then. It is a normal and fun thing to squeeze into your day and it boosts the Marital Morale a whole heaping lot.
Anyhoo, things are going well here. Wish we could get the EC and sex thing synchronized but we're workin on it. And I, for one, am willing to just keep plugging away until I get it right.
I miss the flirting so much. But in reality, isn't flirting the one way they we express "Desire". It's just a natural result of "Desire". It's the one thing that can not be faked in anyway, it is genuine. Flirting itself is often just as good as sex, maybe even BETTER.
Quote: But in reality, isn't flirting the one way they we express "Desire". It's just a natural result of "Desire". It's the one thing that can not be faked in anyway, it is genuine.
Sorry. Disagree. I've 'fake flirted' before... it can be done!
I will agree that flirting feels GREAT! Funny, I never flirt with my dh, but I was a huge flirter in my younger years.
For a brief conversation last weekend, his robot facade cracked. We were talking about having "custody of the eyes" (though we didn't refer to it in those dorky terms, lol) and he admitted that it was VERY hard for him. You coulda knocked me over with a feather! He acts like all this...this SEX stuff..is beneath him and only pervs are actually tempted by porn and stuff. Now, I call him out on this attitude whenever I see it and gently point out that his own wife struggles with that stuff, at which point he'll usually say, Oh yeah I do too...everybody does...I just meant that you'd have to be pretty twisted to act like some of the men out there.
Anyway, we were talking and he let me peek inside for a minute..just a peek...to see that it's HARD for him to live the way he does. I loved seeing this! Blackfoot are ya listening, my friend?! I need to see that he has weak spots, just like me, otherwise I feel that I'm sailing alone in a boat with only my imaginary bb friends to keep me company. To know that my H absoLUTEly notices hot chicks and has to make a conscious effort not to 'go there' so to speak, in a bizarre way makes me happy.
A year ago he would not have admitted, for any reason whatsoever, that he even noticed other women. Period. End of sentence.
So I'm happy to say that he will open up sometimes and let me in. I gotta be honest--I don't want to be there for extended amounts of time..in his deepest, darkest thoughts. It takes away too much of the mystery. But it's a nice little vacation once in a while.
And, the good thing is that this gradual loosening up seems to have resulted in him being able to flirt and show me his desire.
In other news: I am seesawing on my GAL plan. I go in fits and starts, it seems. I've done pretty good with getting out of the house, but my other plans are stalling. Last night, I got on the treadmill for the first time since I bought it two weeks ago, so I'm hopeful that this will turn into a habit for me. I really liked it so that's a start. I know some people don't care for them, because they are boring, but I was so dam glad to get away from my kids for a moment that it didn't bother me.
And, perhaps the biggest news of the day: MrH emailed me a detailed plan of his own getting a life. Totally out of the blue! I never mention that he needs to get out, nor do I try and discourage him doing that. I pretty much encourage him to do things, as he suggests them, and otherwise stay out of it. His plan included: Taking me on a date once per month, having a boys night out once per month, and taking our daughters on 'dates' alone, one child per month.
I loved it! I was so proud of him for even doing it. There is something undeniably attractive about a person who takes care of themselves. It is contagious (hence my sudden desire to hop on the treadmill, I guess) and is just plain appealing.
So to all you martyrs out there, knock it off! No one benefits from this attitude, not the receiver or the giver. I hope the-husband-formerly-known-as-a-martyr actually follows through on his plan because it's a wiener.
HP, I am very encouraged that you and MrHP are continuing to grow your EC. Perhaps there is light at the end of my tunnel too?
That's way cool that he's finally admitting that he does notice hot women. See, there is actually some stirring deep within his loins! It's gotta feel good to know that he does notice the hot chicks and that of all the hot chicks out there, he picked YOU!
That is great that his inner wall seems to be showing some chinks!
In his (way limited) world, I'm the hottest in the land. The Snow White of his dreams. Or Ho White, whatever applies. (I had to say that before my so-called friend Hairdog chimes in, see)
Anyway, it was SO refreshing to see a crack in the armor, you are correct about that. It gets old being the only perv in the household, I tell ya.
