Wow - very smart move. I am in awe of you. Now, if you could just be that gutsy about the seduction move your H mentioned. I do commiserate on that because over time I feel that my sexual repertoire has diminished due to feelings of rejections, things H has outright ignored etc... I am really not nearly the seductress I once was.
Ladies, taking to heart what ATLDave has reminded us of (that we are responsible for our own feelings), what would it take to rediscover the inner temptress in you? Can you do it in such a way that it is as fun for you as it is for your H? Can you do it and not expect any return, but just as a challenge to get a reaction out of him?
I know exactly where you are coming from on this, just trying to freshen things up a little for you. Live in today, put his past rejections out of your mind. I know, I know, really hard to do while dragging around that Texas sized bag of resentment behind you.
--GGB, trying hard to put the positive spin on things here and in his own life.
Quote: over time I feel that my sexual repertoire has diminished due to feelings of rejections, things H has outright ignored etc... I am really not nearly the seductress I once was
Ditto this.
GGB-- it's kind of like playing tennis. Sure you can practice by hitting the ball against the garage door, but if you want to become a really good player, you have to have a live partner.
Quote: As some of you know, MrH is a clean freak. This used to be a bone of contention between us until I just started cleaning every day and keeping everything shipshape. Until yesterday. I looked around and thought wtf am I doing? For 6 years (ever since I quit my job) I have been meeting this need for him, regardless of what he does in return, simply because it is the right thing to do. WHY. So I let the kids trash the house and I even added some considerable mess of my own. And I left it all.
HP, I really think this was a brilliant thing to do. When it comes to household chores, no matter whether it's husband or wife, when one spouse does the majority of them and when it is done well, it can often be totally ignored by the other spouse. It only comes to their attention when it isn't done or done well.
And I think you might want to consider letting that continue until your husband fully steps up to the plate.
Marriage Builders touts POJA - policy of joint agreement. You've pushed out of your comfort zone to be the wife your husband wants, you've shown him by your homemaking and spiritual discussions that his needs are important to you.
Have you ever pointed this out to him? If so, how did he respond?
If you could do this with a sense of humor and purpose as opposed to being pi$$ed and vengeful - I'm a believer in choices have consequences - what do you think of dropping your homemaking participation the next day every time he chooses to not follow through with his agreements?
Mrs, Yes it was absolutely done with a sense of humor and not vengefully. Don't get me wrong; I was irritated at the turn of events but I was NOT mad. In fact, as I noted, I had a bit of a twinkle in my eye...how could I not, watching him scan the scene in horror, lol. Since he knew this, that I was irritated, yes, but that I was also yanking his chain, well it drove home the point but in a way that was palatable to him.
Oh and I wanted to say that the driving force behind this silly move was this: He promised sex on Tues night, then when Tues came he said he was too sleepy and could we do it tomorrow. Then on Wednesday he said the same thing. Well that made me mad. It is disrespectful to me to keep putting me off, as if I am Mrs Roper or somethin. Then he picked a fight with me on Thurs about a funeral I had to attend and, boy, did things degenerate from there.
I needed a way to illustrate to him that marriage is somewhat of an agreement, a contract, to do right by each other. Things were simply too lopsided last week and this was the best way I could think to get his attention, and fast. Nothing makes him want to claw his eyes out like household messes.
Anyway, I won't be vengeful and hold this over his head or anything--not my style--but I will keep it in my repertoire when he seems to be backsliding a bit and forgetting that my needs are important too.
Oh and he is *very* helpful around the house. Just pitches in and does whatever needs to be done, so I have no complaints about this. I don't feel put out, despite the fact that I do the vast majority of housework (I am a hausfrau, after all), because he is so willing to do whatever I need.
Update: MrH is feasting. Karen will know exactly what I'm talkin about here. I'm dreading the famine but enjoying the delicious, lush, passionate feast that has been laid at my feet for the last 3 nights. Regarding my inner temptress..yeah, I've sorta let her go by the wayside. She just didn't net results often enough to keep her on the payroll, kwim. My confidence is way up, due to the abovementioned feast, so we'll see about her.
This is one of those instances where being a woman sucks. The guys can say "I'm 100% responsible for the sex I get" and know that they have to be forceful and confident and initiate. The women have to be naked and seducing and striking poses, doing dances, etc. Simply being confident and initiating is truly not enough. The level of vulnerability required is not comparable, imo.
Anyhoo, things are going splendidly here!
H came home yesterday and had planned a date, arranged a babysitter, etc, for tomorrow night. I was SO surprised! We need the time together so badly, as I'm sure all couples of young children do.
Thank you all for weighing in. Have a good weekend!
Oh and Hairy, I will be coming to KC next week. I would drop in and don my invisibility cloak but I'll have the 3 beastie girls with me.
Quote: It is disrespectful to me to keep putting me off, as if I am Mrs Roper or somethin.
What, Stanley will not put up enough shelfs. (Mr Ropers word for sex)
Hp, You need to tell Mr HP you need a shelf moved more often if he does not get your dancing and prancing around. Shelf is a nice safe word to use instead of the word sex, ML or fooling around.
Gee, maybe when your girls are older (14-20 something) they will have a light bulb moment and associate the word shelf with ML. In the meantime you can say shelf and not too many young people that did not see the series, "Three Is Company" will know what what it means.
It (the word shelf) worked on the TV series but I know you are tired of asking for Shelf Works King to take charge. Just having some fun HP. Meanwhile, what do I do with all of these boards I cut to length, BB said we don't need more shelf space.
This is one of those instances where being a woman sucks. The guys can say "I'm 100% responsible for the sex I get" and know that they have to be forceful and confident and initiate. The women have to be naked and seducing and striking poses, doing dances, etc. Simply being confident and initiating is truly not enough. The level of vulnerability required is not comparable, imo
Oh jeez. My side hurts from laughing so hard now. (being a woman 'sucks' huh? LOL.)Its much more complex then what you said being a man. especially once you have lost, or given away your power or have a true LDW. It is definitely IYO. I have seen the abject terror of a man I tell to go up and simply say 'Hi, I liked the way you move. I wonder if you have a personality to go with it. Do you have email'?
It may seem easy to you to just say Lets get it on. But for a guy that has been beaten with the 'Men are pigs. they only want sex. women dont appreciate there sex drive' coupled with eradication of his manly attributes via media, workplace, and school, or even having summoned up the courage to initiate and be blown out it is a major deal.
Of coure this is not the case with you R, your H may lack some confidance simply because getting it on with you never requires any courage.
so when I tell you to make it harder its not game playing I am suggesting, it is a 'tactic' to engender certain feelings with certain, likely positive outcomes in him. You have to baby step some people thru some issues. So I think of it as --you would be acting as a great wife, with a great man improving each other.
Some may view it as manipulation or game playing. I like to be positive.
I wasn't talking about hitting on women, or working up your nerve to ask one out--I was talking specifically about seduction..initiation..within a long term relationship.
So my opinion stands. I'd like to see a man get up and strip or dance or slither and all the while wondering if your mate is going to pretend to be asleep or not noticing.
However, thanks for the response. I'd love to chat more but I have a DATE to get ready for.
