Lots of R discussions here last night. Most of it we've gone over before ad nauseum so I will skip it but I tried a new tactic and I thought I'd share it.

As some of you know, MrH is a clean freak. This used to be a bone of contention between us until I just started cleaning every day and keeping everything shipshape. Until yesterday. I looked around and thought wtf am I doing? For 6 years (ever since I quit my job) I have been meeting this need for him, regardless of what he does in return, simply because it is the right thing to do. WHY.
So I let the kids trash the house and I even added some considerable mess of my own.
And I left it all. He arrived home and was a bit freaked out by it but said nothing. I mean, you couldn't even walk through some of the rooms (3 kids home all day with no mom running after them doing damage control will do that to a home).
Dishes in the sink. Toys on the floor. Clothes everywhere. Stuff strewn from one end to the other. Inwardly I was smiling as I saw him surveying it and getting that panicky feeling that it gives him. (truthfully it was freakin me out too--how I've changed)

Then, with an almost imperceptible twinkle in my eye, I informed him that I was done meeting his needs without him reciprocating. If he was going to be "too tired" to meet my needs, then I'd be too tired to meet his. And he could expect to come home to his house looking like this on a regular basis.
Now...I was partially kidding. I'm not going to turn into a slob just to spite him. But I was partially serious in that I *have* been meeting his needs regardless of what I get in return. And it gets hard. It's hard to find the energy to keep doing it, day after day, when he craps out on me so often.

We ate dinner (he fixed it, see above) and he headed off to Church. When he came home at 8:30, I saw his eyes get big again. He clearly thought I'd clean it all up while he was gone and that I'd be over my snit. Well I wasn't. I told him I was holding the house hostage until he coughed up his end of the deal. Seeing as how it had been over a week since we last ML, he was all for holding up his end.

So I cleaned the house today. LOL

He knows me better than to think that I will hold the house hostage for real, but it sure was fun to do this. I think in school he must have been a kinetic learner..one of those kids who has to feel/touch it to have the concept sink in.

Having to step over the piles of junk yesterday really drove it home to him that I do a lot for him that I don't really feel like doing. Many times I am tired or stressed out from the kids but I never, ever, shirk this because, well, because I love him and I want him to feel peace when he walks thru the door of our home.

Anyway, I think he was secretly amused by it, though he couldn't let himself feel that too much cause the mess was making him want to crawl out of his skin.