Blackfoot,
I must be getting better at this because, get this, I did almost exactly what you suggested last night!

Isn't that funny.

I turned him down.
I wasn't mean about it; I did mention that we have NO ec going on and I just wasn't interested.
I mentioned that it's hard for me to keep an EC going when the frequency is always at his level.
He then started cutting himself down and I would NOT play along. I simply said, Please stop saying bad things about yourself. He continued. I said again, I don't want to hear that. (I wanted to say "it's not attractive" but couldn't bring myself to say it..you gotta understand how freaked out he gets with sexual rejection)
He finally stopped.

The difference in what I did last night and what I've done in the past is that the anger was gone. I was snuggled up to him, holding him tight, and yet being an enforcer. This is confusing to him because my anger is not there--therefore, he can't get defensive.

He did mention that I haven't been that enthusiastic lately (meaning the last 4-5 days) and I said Yes that's true.
I am having a hard time getting excited about our sex life when I have years of working on it, under our belts, and it still seems so lacking. It's depressing! I didn't say any of this, btw, just acknowledged that I am going thru a spell of depression wrt our sex life.
He said, Oh no this is not going to be like it was before?? I reassured him No I'm not going down that road again..just uninspired and uninterested in having sex in a wham-bam style and then nothing again for 3 days.

Now I want to give my H a few compliments. He HAS been trying to show more desire, as he feels it. I would say there have been 2 times in the last week when he told me that I looked "sexy" to him, so that is major progress.

I'm just feeling kindof blah about many things--mostly resentment on my part. AGAIN. Man, I really struggle with this. It is the bane of Woman's existence. Fer Sure.

Thanks for checking in. I will write him an email today. I hate to interrupt his workday with R stuff, but I can't have a convo with him after he gets home (too noisy and chaotic with all 3 kids clamoring for his attention) and he can't stay awake at night and I don't have the time to write out a letter long hand, especially with D6 hovering over me saying, Mom teach me curly writing like that!! lol

Maybe I will anyway. An email is far too easy to pop off a trite reply and then delete it forever.

We'll see. Oh and Lillie, I did broach the sex diet thing last night and he laughed. He won't think it's so funny when I really do put his azz on a diet. I'm channeling my inner Dom. Oh boy things are gonna get interesting.

Thanks for the input everyone!