Quote: MB is just out. It's a mortal sin. No priest is going to give me the green light
MB is SOLITARY SEX. What I'm suggesting is not SOLITARY. The point of making MB wrong is when it deliberately 1) thwarts the reproductive process or 2) separates the couple from each other.
I think you're blowing this option off way too soon and without enough investigation.
Now IF the root problem is that it bugs you that he does not look at sex or experience the arousal process the way you do, then the mb-while-together thing is beside the point. Somehow you have to get okay with the way he approaches sex.
BUT if, as you said in response to my question, that the problem is that you don't get to reach true physical satiation, the mb-while-together could solve that prob without you spending the next 40 years being irritated that he's not as sexual as you OR pushing him to be something he's never gonna be.
Believe me, if a Church can figure out how to annul 40-year marriages that have produced six children, or change eating meat on Friday from a mortal sin to NO sin, there's a way to make it okay for you to have an O without your H's d*ck inside of you.
It seems to me that you can't stay in this itchy-irritated state forever, and he can't always go around feeling that no matter how hard he tries, he's not sexy enough for you. Is this really the way it has to be?
Go ahead and tell me to back off one more time if you must, but please really think this through. (And yes, this does hit a hot button of mine, but the fact that it does and that I'm writing this in a strident tone does not negate the truth of what I'm saying.)
Just a quick 2 cent comment… I know you say MB is out for religious reasons, but why do you need to let some dogma control your life to the extent that it creates problems? What if you did MB? It would certainly help you, and if he were to walk in and see you doing that, I have a hard time imagining any man NOT getting seriously turned by that! So you kill two birds with one stone. Why put this off because of what some priest says? Personally I would find another religion, which is one reason I’m not into the organized religion thing.
Cobra, she is following her religions particular beliefs, and her H's lead.
While I know of nothing in the scriptures about MB and I am very educated in theology, telling someone to ignore their religious beliefs and/or their H's wishes is not helpful. at all. Neither is encouraging deception.
I know I haven't been the best H lately..." and things like that.
HP he is depreciating again. Saying something along the lines of -do something about it, or dont, but stop knocking yourself. I dont find it attractive.-
Could you compromise on one week doing it every two days and the next week doing it every three days? Since he is a drive person, the more he does it the more he will think about it and want it. Just gotta get into that groove.
other compromises, 1 week a month you get to have sex as much as you want it. even if that is everyday. and twice on Sat. the other 3 weeks its every 3 days. It may be the needed impetus to get him into a different way of acting. I know --you want the desire too.
Lil I agree with you about other options together besides IC. Though my tone is not strident. We dont have to agree with others beliefs, just respect them, and work with them.
While I know of nothing in the scriptures about MB and I am very educated in theology
Born and raised in a very Catholic household-schooling. The Catholic religion is not based soley on the bible the Church has self imposed its own rules.(hence why as a adult I have stepped away from the Church in part). And as Lil pointed out will change them as society dictates. In the Church I was raised in sex was taught to be only for reproductive reasons and having it for pure pleasure on a almost daily basis would be a form of gluttony, lust,and greed all of which are deadly sins.
Could you compromise on one week doing it every two days and the next week doing it every three days? Since he is a drive person, the more he does it the more he will think about it and want it. Just gotta get into that groove.
I like this idea HP do you think this will work for you? And do you think H would be up to it (sorry could not resist). No really do you think he would be willing to try this?
You would both be compromising for the others benifit so not much room for resentment on either hand.
Don't have much to add, but as a Catholic HDW with a LDH, I struggle with the MB thing too and totally understand where you are coming from, HP. I also MB a lot when single and early in the marriage, then stopped when I came back to the Church. The first year was the hardest by far, I think just because I was breaking the habit. Now it is MUCH easier for me, though having 2 kids clinging to me at all hours leaves less room in my mind for sex anyway. Give it time, it may get easier; that's been my experience. The only good that came from the difficulty is that it encouraged me to seek confession more often, which I was loathe to do before.
Well, folks, all I can say is that these are beliefs that I have decided to follow. Not at my H's suggestion (he knew nothing about it, nor I his decision to stop), or the Church's suggestion, but my own. I believe it is the right thing to do.
Around the time that I stopped this, I approached H and delicately brought up the subject. I explained that if I were to do this, I would need his help. I couldn't 'take the edge off' by myself anymore. He urgently told me that he is here for me and that he wanted me to do this and would do everything in his power to make sure that I am not tempted. To be blunt, this has not happened. To be honest, it is an awful burden for ONE person to carry, let alone to carry it for your spouse as well, so I'm not necessarily bashing him.
Chrissy, we don't use any form of BC. The Church says that sex should be both unitive (that is, helps them bond) and procreative. That does NOT mean that you have to keep on havin babies--it just means that you cannot do anything to *prevent* conception either. So if you are fertile, you just don't have sex. Now, the good news, lol. I am infertile so I can have sex whenever and however I want and not get pg. (of course, I just jinxed myself by saying that!)
Lil, I get what you are saying but, again, it's just against my beliefs. I don't know what you want me to say to that. Sure, as an ex-Catholic, you know many things about the Church, but really what does that matter? I have decided to follow this rule, when many Catholics don't. That doesn't mean I suffer from scrupulosity--as my husband's wife I know quite well what scrupulosity looks and acts like. Having said that, I am now remembering that my H many months (years?) ago, said that he'd like to incorporate a hj, for me, into the repertoire when he was feeling like he couldn't do it. I never took him up on this offer (not that he ever tried, you understand) because I felt that it was wrong. I never told him that, again, the situation never came up.
Cobra, I didn't find your post useful at all. I've already said that this is what I believe so what good does it do to tell me to not believe it?
Blackie, I liked your suggestions!! Furthermore, I think H would like them!!
Any ideas on how I can get him to actually DO it, though? He is great about having these lil epiphanies and going thru a brief change and then he sinks right back into familiar behavior. Ideas please.
It was a lackluster weekend, as far as sex is concerned. H fell asleep on me the last..oh, say, 8 days straight. It is getting discouraging.
I am not only losing my sexual desire for him, but I have NO ec with him right now either. We are operating as best friends who like to do projects together and sit around and play with the kids. I cannot keep an EC going in the absence of sex. Period. Call me weird, call me stubborn, call me at 867-5309, oh wait that's Jenny. (where is she anyhoo) There is a definite awkwardness between us, as I am working on a brand new batch of resentment and he is going around kicking himself in the ass for falling asleep on me all the time.
If you're working through a process of jointly agreeing on what might work for both of you, then I would suggest the possibility of - hubby, let's try this for 6 months, I'll agree to the frequency you desire, and I am asking you to agree to bring the intensity I desire. -
MrsNOP, I don't know if this is what you intended or not, but suggestion you made would result in me having the frequency I desire. He would rather just give it up than be required to bring any intensity to the encounters. I have never had much of a complaint (barring pregnancy, of course) about the frequency because he was like this...willing to do it more if it meant that he was off the hook in between times, wrt sexual behavior. Almost like he was saying, I don't have to act sexual now cause, jeez, we just did it last night. Kwim?
Anyway, I think that is a sound suggestion.
I still have the problem of getting him to fully buy into ANYTHING we jointly decide. He says a lot of things but when the rubber hits the road, he has a tendency to want to slack off and, what's worse, he wants me to give him my blessing to do so. For example, he'll say "I'm just so tired from the presentation and then Halloween and the baby's cold, how about tomorrow night?" to which I will usually reply "ok". But then tomorrow comes and nothing. Next night he's begging off again. (this really happened last week so I'm not exaggerating)
It's like he simultaneously takes it seriously, and blows me off.
There needs to be someone in the R who's willing to assume the role of the Sex Boss. lol The one who sorta takes the lead and makes things happen. We both are standing back, waiting for the other to do this. I don't want to do it because it makes me feel like a freak of nature, to quote Cemar, and he doesn't want to do it because he feels uncomfortable.
BUT, having said that, I really have no problems making suggestions about our sex life. It's the role of Enforcer that I don't really care for. That's where things tend to go awry. Without an Enforcer, the plan just trails off like a wisp of smoke and it goes in the pile of Things We Tried.
I suppose I need to either get ok with the Enforcer role or get ok with the status quo, eh.
problem is that it bugs you that he does not look at sex or experience the arousal process the way you do, then the mb-while-together thing is beside the point. Somehow you have to get okay with the way he approaches sex. 
(sorry could not resist). No really do you think he would be willing to try this?