thanks for the welcome and hope your thanksgivings went well. Sally, I also have a D21, who does not speak to her dad, and she is on good terms with myself, but very silent about her dad and I. I know she is very hurt, sad, mad, etc. by the A, and I sometimes think she is mad at me for "putting up with him", even though she hasn't said it. Or our children may feel safe with us, the LBS, and feel safe to be angry or silent with us. I think I am going to continue to give her space and be there hopefully when she opens up. The sad part is, being that my dau. lives away, I have made small comments that I try to lead her believe that H and I are coming together, and I know that isn't right either, because who knows how this will all turn out. But I feel bad the 2 of them have lost an important relationship. They can talk superficial, but nothing past that. I'm hoping your children will also find peace with themselves, I'm sure they realizie you are someone who values M, commitment and love for them.
My thanksgiving was spent with my family, while my H refused to go to his side or mine. Fine with me.
Christmas is one holiday I can't wait to be over. All these happy jolly couples and families! Plus I have a mom who is elderly, with some chronic health problems and depression and would literally fall apart if she knew her precious SIL was with OW. So I keep her in her own world, and H is "kind" enough to visit together occasionally. I hate these lies!
I am closing in on a year, and know the A was probably for 2yrs. I know the time span for yourself is many years also. Was there ever a time when your H returned to repairing your M that you felt it was positive?
I am getting so tired of being down and seeing H so pathetically sad and sitting on the fence , unsure of "who to go to", I am going to write H a letter this week, but keep it to myself until I fine the right time, telling H that I can't continue enabling this OW to be in our lives. I am not going to use the big D word, but am going to say/write somehow convey the separation must be physically seperate residences, and I will be totally dark. Big decision for me is when to give it? soon? or wait til after Christmas? ( sorry, really just talking to myself) It seems like Christmas will be such a big lie, tense and just trying to get through. This decision to me has been long overdue. I think I am going to write my letter anyways, maybe post it to the board, to see how I sound, and keep it to myself, to give me strength, knowing I have a plan. I always do better having a plan? How about yourselves? I have tried everything in my DB powers, but in order for me to continue on I need to tell him this.
I think the limbo of his indecision, and my roller coaster feelings will just continue to crash if I don't. I've tried to DB and be patient for almost a year, and now I must make the detachment for my own PMA. We have been acting like estranged friends, tiptoeing around each other when H does come home, I find us just getting farther and farther apart, the silence of not even having the honesty to say any of how we feel is what is the worst. I am coming to realize I cannot get my own life, while this guy sits on his sad little fence.
Read something thought provoking:
Is it ever OK to look the other way? I am so thinking that this is enabling my H to continue his ambivalence and live in his own world. I know we are all different, and hope for all here to have the strength to continue to believe in themselves and do what is right for their individual R's. Those here on this thread seem to be strong and so patient,
Am thinking I can grieve for a loss of him, better than not having any path to choose, and allowing H to choose my path for me.
