Hi Spitfire, Thanks for checking in with me. I had a good Thanksgiving with my family and hope that you had a good holiday as well. It hs been a difficult few weeks here. My D is very angry with her dad but does not want to talk about it, at least not to me. Top of my list for tomorrow is to find someone that she is comfortable talking with. I know that anger eventually turns inward and becomes depression and that terrifies me in a teenager. H has been extremly distant and seems to want nothing to do with us at all. I am trying to continue DBing but have lost it a few times. I feel so hopeless when I do that sort of thing. I think I need to completely detach and go dark. It is so hard for me to do that when I see my D so angry and hurt and H does nothing to try to help her. You know the old saying, You can kick me over and over but when you hurt my children...look out. How do you continue to have the stamina and courage to go dark and hold on when everyone around you tells you that H will never change, That I can never trust him and that I should bite the bullet and file for D? I wish I had a crystal ball sometimes. Better yet I wish someone had offered a course in Mindreading 101 in college! I cannot for the life of me figure out what is going on inside H's mind. He has become a complete stranger to me.
How are you doing? The last post I read from you seemed so positive. Your H seems to be realizing what he is about to loose. Do you still see him making some effort to come back? Do you ever have second thoughts as to whether or not you want him back? You told me that your boys held a lot of resentment for their Dad. I wish there was a site like this for the children of these marriages. They are truly the biggest casulties. If anyone knows of a SAFE one out there please fill us in. If D had the support that I have found here I believe it might truly help her.
What are your plans for Christmas? I hope your boys will be home with you and that you can enjoy them and the season. I am beginning to understand why this time of year has the higest crime and suicide rates. I feel more empathy for those that go through this time of year with no family and friends than I ever did before. I have a few friends that are alone and plan to have them all over at some point during the holidays. We really can grow from the experience we are in and become better people for it. But the journey is really tough sometimes!
