Hello Sally and the other Long Term Affair Members:
Yes, I too stumbled accross this thread on a dreary Nov. chicago day and it definitely caught my attention too. I believe I can join this club, along with others I have posted on. I also share many same sitch.'s with you all.
H early 50"s--definitely MLC Me,, turn 50 in 2 days, but we will keep that to ourselves Have WAH with OW, can I say ho on these boards? H and OW together with PA I am sure going on 2 years our children, D 21 ( lives on her own), 1 son 19, home with me. Seperated now 10 months, my H's ho also lives several hours away, but I know he manages to see her and her 3 children at least for few days every couple weeks. I still can"t understand how a H who is almost finished raising 2 great kids wants to start with 3 new ones ages 10 thru 14 ! How do others with "grown" children cope? I never dropped the bomb to my children about the Ho, my H blurted it out himself in a moment of guilt.
Sadly my D will hardly speak to her dad now, and I will always strive to help them both come to peace with themselves. I am pretty much giving D space and time to open to me at least. I know my H very involved with the OW "s children.( she's divorced, I know very little about her) I know my H is very much "on the fence", very guilty, depressed, and of course "loves me, but not in love with me anymore"
I have been posting on MLC board, but feel I should come here because I am still so hung up on the OW and her controlling my thoughts, I know I have lots of work to do on that. Slowly I have become stronger through this chaos, and know you will too, just for the fact that we are here and making it this far. Day to day is ok too.
Sally, I read some of yours and the sitch's here, I know you have already met so many supportive, kind people here and also so sorry for yours and the pain it brings for so long. I am also M now 26yrs. I still have many" feel sorry for myself" days, but at least look back to Feb. when the bomb first dropped and can see how far I've come. I do keep coming here , even if I don't always post. I get support from all the brave patient ones here. I think I did better with spring, the warm weather and concentrated on my yard, the sun and the garden. I am not a winter person, but determined to find something else to throw myself into. Manybe some smaller projects would be more realistic?
At first GAL was a mind game to me, seeming so fake and not real. Slowly it has helped my self esteem and H is just starting to notice some changes. I do know for sure, H notices my subtle actions and changes, so MUCH more if I do not speak of them. I am now not emailing, calling, or initiating any communication first. H in last few months is making more initiative, very slowly and cautiously on his part, and I try not to expect much, because I know for sure the Ho is still in the picture. I am coming to terms with being his friend when H does come home and it has made these visits increase on his part and definitely less tense compared to the poor victim I first was. For the longest time H said nothing, but recently speaks of me being "different" "did I hold you back?" I relied on H to do most of the "manly" stuff around the house, and now H may occasional do me a favor and pitch in, but am finding rewards in learning this manly stuff. I redid a BR and got to pick out the pictures I wanted, and hang them my way, even if the nail was too big and cracked the plaster a little--no one will ever know--but i did it myself! Power tools are pretty cool too. Am sure you are also finding so many things you can do ow and should be proud of yourself for. I get the tv remote all to myself, I get to eat popcorn for dinner if I want, and have the bathroom all to myself! Other down days, it's missing snuggling on the couch watching tv or cooking together, and talking together in the bathroom--so it depends on my mood as I'm sure you notice the same.
Another point this thread brought up was how it is easier to DB and be their friends when they are not home. I totally agree, this time slipping away without any R talks is really wearing and I see so little progress. The occasional "baby steps" are interchangeable with his running away and the ups and downs so many discuss here. I see his pain and saddness when H does come by and very hard to be his friend, part of me couple smack him, but mostly i want to hug him and pretend it never happened. Nothing worse though than a hug to your H when he has his hands to his side, or you get a gentle pat like the dog would get, so now leave the hugs up to him to start first.
I have just handwritten myself a huge letter that I intended to give H very soon. My letter was basically a journal of #1. Why I should let go and quit for my own personal wellbeing? vs. #2. Why I should be patient and give our 26yrs. more time. Just writing this letter helped me, I then decided to wait until few days after christmas, to make it easier on family, but now I just feel strong that I have this letter and my feelings all in writing that I get to be the one to decide if and when I speak them to him or give H this letter and then speak. I think for me just knowing I have "my letter " is empowering and may help you. Plus when I see things in writing and especially give it time it takes on different meaning. If nothing else I have learned patience, and would like to help all here by also just being here for anyone to ramble on to. I am not as expressive in my advise and words as so many here, but am known as a great listener, so anyone feel free to ramble on and know I will listen. A big hug to all who have allowed me to read their kind words and know we are all there for each other here.
OK- enough rambing on my part, please do so back anytime!
