Can Long-Term affairs be over come?

[spitfire23]

Hi again SallyG,
Glad to hear from you. It amazes me how similar our lives seem to be. I too handled all the bill paying, record keeping, appointments setting, etc. in our family. I don't know what to think of your H's po box. My H's brother and SIL are going through a nasty divorce that is on year 3. My BIL had/is having an affair with one of our employees. (We have a family owned business) My SIL discovered the po box when her H was out of town. She went to the box while he was gone and found bank statements for 3 accounts she knew nothing about.(worth over 500,000.) Of course she made copies of everything. Their divorce drags on as BIL does not want to give SIL her piece of the pie. And it's a very big pie. My SIL was pretty oblivious to their financial status during her 31 year marriage as she did none of that. Her H refuses to get rid of OW so their D drags on. They have already spent over 200,000 in attorney fees! Hopefully, I don't have that to look forward to. My husband LOATHES attornies so that is in my favor to this point. He also knows that I know where our money is so.... Just be careful and keep your eyes and ears open. I too would be suspicious. If he was on the up and up why didn't he just tell you that he was cashing in the policy? Isn't it funny how we find out stuff our Hs do behind our backs without even trying to spy? I can't tell you the amount of stuff that has just dropped into my lap with no effort on my part. I think its fate or Karma or something. Some would argue that they leave clues because they want to get "caught". I don't know....there have just been too many weird things in my sitch.
I am not really worried about finances, either. I was at first. But I know my H is not the same as his brother. I also know how big the pie is and I will not have to struggle if we do get a D. That is one big load off my mind.
I will continue with my dbing. I really rather enjoy it. I like watching to see if it makes a difference. Mostly, I like the feeling of being in charge of my destiny...whatever that may turn out to be. After I posted last, H sent email on Wed. and then stopped by again on Fri. Maybe he's curious about my new attitude.? I was very nice and told him to have a good weekend. I also got my coat out and picked up my purse so he knew I had somewhere to go. He didn't ask and I didn't offer an explanation. I think one reason I am enjoying this dbing is that it is in and of itself a 180 for me. I am about as black and white a person as there is. I have always been open and upfront. I am in no way a player. This dbing kind of makes me feel like a player. And I'm having fun with it. Make sense? Afterall, why should I be my usual honest, open self, pouring out my emotions to this man? It sure didn't work well in the past. I'm a slow learner. Maybe I'm finally catching on.
So, you think H is not visiting OW? That's strange. Maybe he's taking a break from both of you??? How does one carry on an affair with someone who is 150 miles away? Business trips? Do you get any sense that he is having a change of heart when you talk to him? My guess is that the OW starts pressuring the WAS once they are out of the family home and that puts a damper on the relationship. Don't know , but I think the OW would look at your separation as a positive for her and then if things don't move along at her perceived pace....trouble in paradise. You know the proverbial jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Seems to me that men do that more than women? Are they just less inclined to want to be alone? Maybe it's just me.
You see, our H's can use us as an excuse as long as they are married or living a married lifestyle. Once they are "free" the ow want more. Human nature.
Well, I've got a big day planned. My boys and I are huge hockey fans. We are going out for an early dinner and then out to the game. Wish our team was better. Have a great day and do keep in touch. I was worried about you when you didn't post for awhile. Hang in there!

Spitfire23