He just doesn't want anybody to know. Is it me or is that really wierd? You would think that if someone was making such a major life changing decision they would be ok with it and not want to hide the fact?? He wants to be with OW, he just doesn't want anyone from "this life" to know she exists/has existed for 13+ years. Go figure.
My H was the same when he walked out 2 years ago. Neither of us ever said anything to anyone. He wanted it that way. This time I told him that he had someone to talk to about all of this mess and that I would talk to whoever I darn well pleased. And I have. I have not said anything negative about him b/c I don't ever want that to come back to our D, but I have not hesitated to say that H is unhappy and trying to determine what he wants. Most people pick up quickly and you don't have to say much more. I think maybe your H is really feeling some shame in his actions by not wanting anyone to know. He may not want anyone to know about OW for divorcce/alimony reasons too. If you have any sort of evidence keep it in a safe place. You just want them to fall off of the fence on one side or the other or just fly away!
You and I are lucky to have our children. I wish my D would say more to me but she keeps quiet. I know that she does not want to say anything negative about either of us to the other. Your son is very bright. I'm going to do some research myself on Moral subjectivism. I've been saying that about my H but I'm glad to know it has a name. I guess most people try to justify thier actions in some way. The higher and deeper the moral values are the less destructive choices we make.
Some days I think I am in a different sitch than you are, but my H has really been gone for 3 years. He was rarely home and when he was the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. He would come through the door, fix a drink, eat dinner, continue drinking and pass out on the sofa. Life around my house is really much more pleasant now. I have my D and 2 dogs!
I'm really not sure I want my H back either. I am going to wait it out and see what he does. Like you said, if for no other rason that curiosity.
