Can Long-Term affairs be over come?

[spitfire23]

Hi Sally
I am new to this message board...to all message boards so please bear with me. I have been reading through many of the threads over the last two weeks. Your story mirrors mine very closely. Change a few minor details and we are walking in the same shoes. I found out about my H's LTA two years ago. He claimed that he did not want a D and we spent the last 2 years in C. I also had C with a separate C. I guess I really knew all along that H had not removed the OW from his life. You just know when the marriage is "too crowded". We separated for only 4 days in Feb of 04. He recommitted to the marriage and all seemed to be going along fine until maybe July. He denied seeing OW again but... He left for work on Sept 2nd and then emailed me at 3:30 that he wasn't coming home. He needed time to "sort things out". Thus began our second separation. Two years ago my H confessed to numerous affairs during our 20 year marriage. I was clueless and completely floored. I was a total basketcase. I thought my whole marriage had been a sham. I will say that I am grateful for my H's confession as it made SO MUCH of my life suddenly understandable. I finally knew why things happened in our marriage that I didn't understand before he fessed up. I came to this message board to find ways of coping and dealing with my very troubled H. I do not feel like I want to save my marriage. I feel like I already tried. All I have read about chronic cheaters is that it is incurable and to run the opposite direction as fast as possible. I too would like to learn how to interact in a more positive way when/if I ever have another relationship. I haven't noticed anyone responding to your original question. Can LTA's be overcome?

Finally, my H turns 50 in Jan. So many people want to tell me that this is a MLC. It's a crisis alright. A Life Crisis. He's been behaving this way since I've known him.( 34 years). Obviously, I am a very slow learner in this department. I now know that nothing will ever change until my H wants to face his demons. I know that as much as I would like to help him, I can't. I can only work on myself.

I wish you and all of us walking in these shoes inner strength, wisdom and peace.

Spitfire23