SallyG- Glad to know that reading the situations here have been comforting for you. I, too, have been trying to figure out the technical side of the boards. I originally posted in "separated - what now" under the post "separated 10 months." Then, I jumped over here to infidelities and have been sharing under "wow, i am not alone." To be brief, here is my story: H - 38, Me - 32...no kids...married 6 years, together 10 years. Have been separated for almost 1 year. The beginning of our separation was a "therapeutic separation" - we were in marriage counseling and were dating at least 1x per week. It was really helping in the beginning. In January, my H found out that I had been speaking with a guy I had met through a friend of a friend. There was no physical interaction b/w me and the other guy - he had basically become a friend, but my H felt betrayed. We worked through it and our R was better than ever...I moved back home on April 30th. Didn't last...my H moved out on May 9th...he harrassed me until I moved out again on July 16th. He said he hadn't gotten over what had happened in January and was still angry about it. Nevertheless, we were dating weekly for a while, but we also went to a mediator in the beginning of August to draw up a settlement agreement. In September, my H told me we needed to go back to the mediator because he couldn't do this anymore and we needed to get divorced. We went back to the mediator and are now finalizing our settlement agreement. I have suspected an OW for almost 2 years...but my H has continued to deny (surprise). There are more specifics on those 2 threads I mentioned above. Gee, guess that wasn't too brief. My biggest question right now is "is it possible for him to end it with her and come back to our M?" Does that happen? There are days when I feel sooo hopeless. Then, I come here and am supported by so many wonderful people and i start to feel better. I try to remind myself that I am not the only one to go through this (unfortunately)...and that people do survive it. I don't remember from your original post if you have read any of Michele's books...i read divorce remedy and instantly felt hopeful...it has a lot of really sensible advice...i have purchased so many other books, some good, some not so much. Today, I bought "love must be tough" by dobson, as suggested by others on the boards. I haven't read the whole thing, but a lot of what he says supports michele's theories...both books, and the people here, have been helpful. Come back here often...you will find that people respond to you with great advice. And, they support you when you think you are losing it! I wish I had something profound to say...new at this myself. My advice would be to read the book, come here and vent, and try to take your focus off your H and OW...it only serves to make you more miserable. I got some really good advice from becomingabutterfly...basically, she says to focus on the facts of the situation, and stop assigning your own meaning to your H's actions...if you are anything like me, you are probably constantly assigning negative meanings. You can read more of her advice under "wow - i am not alone." I have also learned that focusing on the negative doesn't allow you to do positive things...after all, if you think negatively all the time, then what would be the point of doing anything positive, since you are expecting a negative outcome anyway (does that make sense?) Well, I am sorry that you have to be here, but welcome. I hope that you will find as much comfort here as I have. I will forever be grateful to the people here for sharing their stories. Visit often, sallyg... Take care... Keeping everyone in my thoughts and prayers.
