Sally, Sorry to find you here (as are we all). I think some of the DB solutions can be helpful as I find myself in a similar situation (apart from the length of time) and have found positive changes in the month and a half that I have been using the techniques (and I haven't been that good at it either). Yes, the affair is still going on and I'm trying to deal with what that means, and how long I'm willing to take it.
Because your husband is a lawyer and you have expressed legal fears I would suggest you seek out some legal aid to protect yourself - just in case. Start making a file of records (credit cards, utility bills, everything that is part of your finances and go back for as far as you can). Keep these organized so that you don't have to pay extra for someone to sift through them. There is an organization in Chicago that is just for women and legal issues that may be useful: lilactree.org. They may be able to steer you toward a similar orgnization in your state. Mind you, I'm only saying to do this as a precaution and continue to DB in order to save your marriage. Hope this helps.
