Your welcome JOTI and GEL. How about some more "improvement."
Just The Facts
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said. "Implants?" She hit me.
I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail....but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"
Subject: sample in a jar
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office and while there the Doctor asked for a sperm count.
He gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, Doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied: "Yep, And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."
Get you mind out of the gutter.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
