I do have a Master's degree in counseling (1977), some experience as a therapist (back when I first got my degree, but then I got sidetracked into another career) and 30+ years of experience as a therapy client.
Okay, I have to say it: TROLL alert! TS is just TOO argumentative to be for real! He has got to be deliberately yanking our chains! NO ONE is naturally that much of a b@stard. I don't interact with trolls, so I'm OUTTA here!
Ya got us with that one, buddy! It was fun while it lasted!
You know, I wondered the same thing when he was posting all that sexual stuff at the beginning of the thread. Whenever I see someone posting "what do you think of this or that sexual thing", my troll alarm bells start going off, unless it is in obvious humor or there has been a lot of buildup (situation-wise) to the comment.
I don't know if I would feel better if he was a troll or not. No one likes to get caught in a troll trap, but then again, I'm not getting a lot of positive vibes about his presence here either. I mean, GEL is trying hard (bless her gentle heart), but so far to really no avail.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
What does you being able to “take” the therapist’s comments have to do with anything? Are you trying to indirectly tell us you’re tough enough to take it? Still trying to boost up that wall, eh? Cripes, I lost another !!@@*&^? post. How's that for repressed anger? Anyway, I just put in that thing about the therapist because I remembered it. If it makes you happier, I will take it out. The important part is I was working on anger at my Mother for my perceived lack of attention and affection from her (I think because of my being the first male of the siblings, I don't know). Anyway, here is the revised post:
You speak like someone who has a professional background in therapy? Actually, my experience (as a consumer) with therapy has been that anger does come up, at least in my case. My first therapist was a Gestalt, and we got into anger at my Mother right away. He suggested that problems I was having could be traced to anger at my Mother. Anyway, as a Gestalt, the therapist encouraged me to imagine him as my Mother and express all my anger and frustration at him in her place (the Gestalt). I had been aware of this anger because of dreams, fantasies, daydreamings, thoughts that came up at stressful times, etc. In all, I have worked with about 8-10 therapists and with all of them have expressed anger that I felt toward Mother and Father, but mostly Mother. The therapist we are going to see now is an Imago therapist. If you are a therapy professional I will not insult you with a description of the approach. Suffice it to say that he (the therapist) and I both agree that I felt abandoned by my Mother and am looking for resolution of this abandonment in my relationship with my wife. Now, that is the gracious response if you are a professional.
There, happy?
I didn't copy all the post about "shithouse lawyers" but it is there on the other post.
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
This still sounds like you don’t think any of this is her fault. Why don’t you just come out and say it – “She is a completely innocent victim, preyed upon by this other man, who forced her to pick up the phone, to meet with him and spreads her legs. Its not her fault at all!” Give me a break will you!
That's what it sounds like to you. This is not what I felt when I first found about the affair. My immediate reaction was that here is one other women who lies about relationships; who says she wants a trusting relationship with a kind, generous person but actually gives the most important part of herself to a macho jerk. Some, or most of the above, has come out from work with our pastor (I was the only one to see him, for one personal session and some followup emails). I remember one email in which he said he thought the point of our sessions with our therapist should not be "let's gang up and dump on ------ (my wife)". Most of these "insights" have come about by sessions with our MC. So, if you want to assign blame, assign it to our therapist, because he is the one who came up with them.
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
Do you want to save your marriage? If so, then why?
Well, yes, I just said she apologized for the affair (above). Accountability - she has promised no more contact. I ask her if she ever thinks about him; she says she does, wondering how is doing. She calls whenever she knows she is going to be late, explaining where she is (dentist appts, etc.). She sometimes calls in the middle of the day, asking how I am doing. I know this takes some effort on her part, since she is a classroom teacher, so she has very little free time during the day. We don't have a signout system or anything like that, if that's what you mean.
Yes, I want to save our marriage. We have a very satisfying sexual life. We enjoy doing things together - Atlanta Opera, singing together in Church Chancel Choir, I get along well with her parents and she with my Mother. We can talk together about things that bother us, more so since the affair discovery.
One thing that caught my eye when I first found out about the affair was a quote from Spring, "After the Affair",
Not a direct quote (so I might have left something out):
If both partners take responsibility for matters which led up to affair
If both partners can discuss openly and honestly problems and concerns about relationship
If the partners have a satisfying sexual life with each other
There is a good chance they can rebuild their relationship after an affair into a stronger relationship.
I am curious as to why you think our marriage won't survive. I absolutely don't agree with you that I should leave and won't take any of that advice about leaving.
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
That's right, TS. We're all on here sharing our personal experiences, understandings, discussions, hurts, successes, vents, rejoicings, ponderings, situations, questions...
No one has come on here insisting that you listen to them because they have credentials.
And you appear to have a problem with that.
The question is real simple, TS.
Just exactly what do you want from us?
I don't see many posts from you about your own situation.
I do see a lot of posturing, combative posts bitching about people not responding to you and then playing supercilious bozo when they do respond.
You complained about people not replying to your posts....yet I am still waiting on a response to a direct question to you. Interesting. You seem to have a double standard.
I notice in a very recent post of yours from this morning that you stated you and your W have a very satisfying sex-life.....so what are you doing on the SSM BB?
Same question applies to those people who know you...how do you think your W and friends would describe you if they were asked? There are many clues about ourselves that reside in how others perceive us...you don't need a therapist to tell you that right? The truth often resides somewhere between how we see ourselves and how others see us.
I don't know. No one I know (I don't have a wide circle of friends) describes me as hateful, childish, very angry or macho or anything like that. Except, for our church musical this spring, I put on a white vinyl jumpsuit Elvis costume and sang "U.S. Male" for the audience:
Now I've said all that to say all this, I've been watching the way you've been watching my Miss. For 3 long weeks you've been hot on her trail, You're kinda upsetting this U.S. Male. . . . She's wearing a ring I bought her on sale, That's makes her the property of this U.S. Male.
Better not mess with the U.S. Male my friend. If you do this U.S. Male will do you in. If you know what's good for yourself, son, You better find somebody else, son. Don't tamper with the property of this U.S. Male.
One the women in the choir wouldn't sing backup for me on that song because she said it was a male chauvinist song.
Also, we were having a choir meeting, and the Choir Director was brainstorming about our next musical. I said, "I think we should have the women show more leg, that would bring in lots of money." The Director looked like he had swallowed a catfish, and one of the other choir ladies said to my wife, "-------- (my wife), smack him!" So I said, "What can I say, I'm just an MCP."
Also, I was talking with another choir member and said I was going to buy this dancing Santa doll from CVS who sings, "Y'all Ready for This?" and turns around and shakes his tush. The guy said, "-------, you're crazy!"
I asked my wife if she thought I was angry, macho, manipulative, childish; she said, "No, honey, whatever made you think of that?". I tell her some of what I post on this board and the friendly greetings I get from the other posters.
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
Wow TS it's interesting the lengths you will go to not answer a direct question.
You have co-workers, you have people who know you, people who will have perceptions of you....we all do. And I didn't ask if your W would describe you as any of the things you listed off....I asked you how you think she would describe you. I'm asking you what you believe her perception of you to be....yet you still don't answer that question.
You also didn't answer why you are on the SSM BB if you and your W have a satisfying sex life.
or
What is it you want from those of us on this BB? MrsNops has asked you this, I have asked you this, and I believe others have as well....when are you going to answer that one?
