Quote: ----------------------------------------------- When I found out about the affair, my wife apologized, cried, said she was sorry and promised no more contact and to work on our marriage, said she thought we had a strong marriage. Our minister, whom I respect also, told me, "You would be surprised how many marriages I consider good marriages have had to deal with affairs. But you need to know that things in the past cannot continue, and you need to work on your marriage." Which we are doing. -----------------------------------------------
Has your wife apologized for the affair itself?
Do you have an accountability plan in place?
Do you want to save your marriage? If so, then why?
You should be extremely angry with your wife. What she did was untenable. You have every right to unceremoniously dump her. A twelve year affair is indicative of a major character flaw in your WIFE, and NOT just a lack of your meeting her needs or being 'manly'.
It is very common for a betrayed spouse to blame themselves disproportionately for their spouse's infidelity. It is NOT your fault that she spread her legs for the other man. That was her choice and hers alone. Since this affair started at the beginning of your marital relationship with your wife, then you must NOT assume that you played any role of import in her dastardly choices. You never really had a chance to prove or be anything other than an unwitting player in her game.
I do believe in forgiveness, but from a practical point of view, I very much doubt that you will mold your marriage into a workable relationship. Your wife has seen to it that your relationship, indeed your entire marriage, has been nothing more than an illusion.
I do hope that you have had a complete STD screening and that you will follow through with the repeat AIDS test.
I think you have two choices, TS. Start a brand new relationship and marriage based on mutual respect and trust, or dump your untrustworthy spouse in favor of a more proven person.
If you decide to stay married, you will have trust issues from now on, regardless of how lilly white your wife becomes. The images of her with other man will haunt you horribly for years, and they will never completely go away.
I know that you didn't solicit my opinion. I do wish you the best in your efforts regardless of your decision.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
